Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A Little Melancholy

Last night, at dusk,  I sat on my couch, in my corner - I was grieving.  I grieve better alone.  It was the result of information confirmed regarding a friend.  Because it's the story of a friend, and not my story to disclose, then I can't express myself freely here in the place where I do that.  But I can share what I was staring at as I  shed some pretty hard tears.

Be warned - this isn't a brilliant photograph but it's the best I can offer.
 I took this picture with several settings - this was the best.

Look closely at those tree tops.

In those were the familiar flocks? of blackbirds we see in this area - it was like a dance - a performance - 
which I wasn't conscious of in the intensity of my tears - but as my emotions began to calm -
then I began to be aware of watching them.  
I was mesmerized and one group would fly in perfect formation, settle, then another group, 
then settle, and so forth and so on - it went on for some time 
and I wished for a really good lens and really good photography skills.

Those birds were helping me in my moment, like looking at stars, or an ocean,
or the Sovereignty of God.
The God who has us all in the palm of His hands, when we are His.
He is the creator of the universe, and made those birds to do what they were doing,
perfectly synchronized.
They were settling to me.

I did get up, gather my camera, sit back down as I was before - 
and I took the picture.  

Charlie came in from work - coming up the back porch - slowly - as he does nearly every afternoon - 
and with emotions still raw, I began to tell him things I like about him - but could hardly do that because it started the weepiness again - yet - I needed to tell him because I'm not very demonstrative nor verbal in my love for those I love.  Sad, but true.

After we talked a while I began to look around the room,
surrounded by photographs of my blessings - memories - treasures.

My formative years happened in this small, charming 2 bedroom home
on a very shady street with the greenest of grass and the safest kind of love.
It resonated with Daddy's whistles and happy clicks and rhythms
and with Mother's soft smiles and sometimes heavy sighs, her clean sheets and steady stitches,
and always the best smells of kitchen and cleaning and fresh air.

We collect people and memories and that's one of my favorite parts about living.

But now it's today - 
the sun is out and I'm so glad.

I'm especially glad that God is God and He loves and creates and redeems and heals us.

1 comment:

Hollen said...

I'm so sorry that you're grieving. :( I know that's never easy.
On another note...(I know that I have commented this on several posts, but I have never actually looked back to see if you commented back-so, if you've already responded to this comment a bazillion times, I'm so sorry! LOL) goes again! You really, Really, REally, REAlly, REALly, REALLy, REALLY ought to write a book! :) Haha, ok, that was rather drawn out and dramatic! But, really (LOL)! I am always so drawn in by what you write, and you put it SO well. I know that I would read it, if you did!
I am so looking forward to being able to see you when we come to visit Nana and Poppy, and perhaps migrate over to Alabama! ;) <3