More on Grandparents and Then I Want to Talk about Today

Well - I said so much about Ella in yesterday's post.

I loved her.  Can you tell?

To be fair - Ella was about 50 when I was born - so she had that in her favor - time to interact with me and all of her grandchildren - and the energy - plus we lived in the same town - and she was just very very maternal.  I know that she was.  I saw her in action.  Even when my children were around her and my cousin's children - she was rather aged by then - but had not lost her enthusiasm toward her offspring - not at all.

I remember the first time I took Ann home to Evergreen - she was 2 months old and I knew my aunt Florence was on her way over with Ella  to see Ann - I think Ella must have been 79 - and I was standing by the baby bed where Ann was and Ella came in the room with much excitement and laughter and speed and saying, "Oh, I can't wait to see what Elizabeth's baby looks like!"  I could have sworn I saw the glistening of tears in her eyes.  I think I did.

But.....my other grandmother - my daddy's mother -

Antoinette Murphree Wilkerson.  She was 79 when I was born.  She born in 1872 in Troy, AL

She had a gleeful smile and demeanor - a high laughter, I think.  She really was fond of Mary Ann and me and I think loved our little girl ways.  It was just always so much more formal at her house when we visited.  My favorite memory of her is during one of our visits - and I had to be very very young - like 3 or 4 - she walked me down Murphree Street where she had always lived and knew all of her neighbors - and she had me by the hand  -  I had on a very nice Sunday dress with a short full skirt - she was literally showing me off to all her neighbors.  I loved that.  They were oohing and ahhing over me and I was loving the attention - I can feel myself strutting and strolling and feeling very good about the situation.

Other memory - even now the smell of clean sheets remind me of visiting her.  Well, of course  -  I finally realized - it was because she naturally had had her maid (not herself) put clean sheets on the beds when we were coming to stay overnight.  Ivory Soap - simple plain soap smells to me like her bathroom.  It was very large with a clawfoot tub - the bathroom had a fireplace in it.  Her bedroom doors and I suppose all other doors had transoms over them.  Mary Ann and I usually slept in her sleighbed and besides smellling the clean sheets I can feel myself staring up at that transom and being a bit nervous - also on the mantel in that bedroom (all the rooms had a fireplace) was a picture of my dad when he was very young.  I would also stare at it.


(Edit to this post:  I found the picture of Daddy which I would stare at - periodically - besides the times I was laying in bed.  I was just curious about all of it - I knew it was a time when Daddy belonged to Grandmother and Granddaddy - and not to us - it was a mystery to me - they loved him first)

And - I remember one evening watching her comb her long thin gray hair before bed.  A classic image. When I saw the movie, Driving Miss Daisy, Jessica Tandy's character, Miss Daisy, reminded me so much of my grandmother.

Here, let me show you a picture

Below is a picture of Grandmother in 1936.  

She was 64.

and here she is a young lady, probably before she married

and probably in her parents' home in Troy.

Do you see the piece of furniture in the left side of the picture?

That is a music stand.  It is in Mary Ann's house now, in Evergreen.

But it was always in Grandmother's Library - across the room from her Baby Grand Piano.

When Grandmother had it, it had a burgundy curtain across the front of the shelves which held the piano music.  

Once when we were in Troy, Mother and Daddy were visiting some of Daddy's friends and had left Mary Ann and me with Grandmother and Granddaddy.  Not a common occurrence. 

Mary Ann and I were roaming about their large house and the memory has us in the Library

and I was curiously separating the burgundy curtain to see what was behind it.

At that moment G'mother and G'daddy appeared in the room

and with a very gentle, kind tone

told me not to bother the curtain or the music stand.

The whole situation was so very intimidating that I slipped away into the back bedroom and unintentionally fell asleep.  I woke up to Mother's face. She was waking me from my nap.

I have no recollection of how Mary Ann handled all of that.

Here's a sweet memory of Grandmother - she must have realized that Mary Ann and I were somewhat bored as all the adults conversed in the living room - or what they always called "The Front Hall" -

She invited Mary Ann and me to go out back with her and she showed us some mossy areas on the ground and gave us flat sticks to scrape up the moss.  It was something she had done as a child, I think.  I can't remember what we were supposed to do with the moss.  Also, she took us to a sandy area just outside the door of my Uncle Halbert's Art Studio/Work Shop and gave us, again, some sticks and told us how to recognize the holes of doodle bugs???? and how to use the sticks to coax them out.  I remember preferring the playing with the moss.  Wasn't too keen on the bugs.

There really are a lot of good memories of visiting my grandparents in Troy - it was just so different from our life in Evergreen.  So different - but with just as many, or more, relatives living there.  Not as many first cousins - only 4 - but Daddy had so many cousins and distant cousins there.  I was always under the impression we were related to just about everyone there.  Of course we weren't, but it felt like it. Well, Grandmother was one of 5 siblings and Granddaddy - well - he had multiple siblings - but it was Grandmother's family that always seemed to be in the forefront.

Something unique - when we went for a holiday dinner - like Christmas or Thanksgiving - we sat in their formal dining room and Grandmother had a little bell by her plate.  If we needed something, she'd ding a ling that little bell and magically would appear her very very very sweet and comfortable maid/cook, Willy.  Willy had a limp and had a few freckles over her nose - much like Morgan Freeman, the actor.  Do you know what I mean?

Willy had the best nature and disposition and is the cook I remember.  She always greeted us with many hugs when we drove up into their back yard.  I wonder, now, what she thought about her life, working there amongst the upper crust of Troy, AL - the deep, segregated south.  What did she think of all of us and our white ways and white opinions and white attitudes?  I have some things from Grandmother's kitchen - things I use.  A very large pot.  A rolling pin.  I have her enamelware table.  I love those things and while they belonged to Grandmother - I always think of Willy when I use them.  I imagine all that she did with those cooking utensils.  I think about her life.

I must end this post.

Looks like there might be a few more things I'll want to say on the subject.

I hope I can remember what I wanted to say about today.

It had a lot to do with a conversation I had in Express Lube today.

Just the different kinds of personalities we can run into during our daily routines.

My Brain Is in Troy, Alabama

The last dream I had before I woke up this morning was about my paternal grandfather in Troy - only in the dream he looked more like my maternal grandfather from Evergreen - analyze that! I was at some conference/retreat thing - spiritual in nature, I think - and having a rare opportunity to "get acquainted with my grandfather". In the dream we were both feeling a sadness over the fact that we'd never had the time to get to know each other(he died when I was about 4 or 5/my mother's dad died when I was 15) In the dream I watched him walk away, I guess go back to heaven - I don't know. How hard is it to describe a dream?! Very difficult. Next scene I'm walking in the front door of his house at 110 Murphree Street in Troy Alabama. In reality, the house actually ended up belonging to my uncle, my dad's bachelor brother who always lived in that house with his parents until they died and then until he died in 1985. Back to the dream, I walked in the very large front door, and a handfull of my friends were there. One was sitting on the couch in the "front hall", another to the right in the "library"; I spoke with them and walked into the dining room, speaking with my uncle Halbert about all the things in there - in the dream I knew that he was about to sell the house to some girl who I knew wouldn't respect the true beauty of the house - I was very sad. He and I walked into the breakfast room and then into the kitchen. From the kitchen I walked out on the back porch and then through the bedrooms and back again into the "front hall". (It was always called that, although it was more like a formal living room.) (Also, the back porch was more of an enclosed room - the back wall was screened with lattice covering the screen.) In my dream I can see everything in those rooms just as they used to be - amazing, the brain and what it records.

Next scene I'm walking to my car, talking to my Dad(who hasn't, up to this point, been in the dream - and all of a sudden I'm the age when I was still single (I married at age 28 - Ann just had her 3rd baby at age 28) Only in the dream Daddy is Daddy, but he's also Charlie(my husband if you are reading this and don't know me). That too is odd - but he's mostly Daddy - and I'm appealing to him, pleading, I want to own that house and I want to live in Troy - make my life in Troy - because I have a sense that I am just starting out - whatever career I might begin - And he agrees - He says, "Okay - well I'll just have to talk with Charlie and draw up the papers". Then, in that moment Charlie is in my life - but not my husband really - crazy - but the incredible sense of relief - that I have saved that house - it will be mine and always mine and knowing all the work I'll have to do and all the money I will have to earn to restore it - I was so happy and so relieved and I woke up.

That is always a shock - to wake up after a very real dream - and it was 2009, I'm living in Scottsboro - I've lived in Scottsboro for 29 years - but my brain still travels back to Evergreen and to Troy. I got up and had a cup of coffee. Love that first cup of coffee.

With Troy still on my brain, I decided that was a cue to blog about old Troy memories - and I sat in the hall in front of the cabinet where I keep the old Troy stuff - there's so much - where to begin - and I landed on an old letter written to my grandmother from a friend. The letter really has very little interest to me, since I don't know the lady - but it's a slice of life from 1911. I read it - it was important enough to my grandmother to "glue" into her scrapbook - so they must have been good friends. After reading it, I looked at the address and the date. The return address is 486 Spring Street, Atlanta, GA. The extent of the address is:

Mrs. John Wilkerson

Troy,

Ala

The postmark is Atlanta, GA December 29, 1911 - and there are two green one cent stamps on it.

It's 1911, so Daddy hadn't even been born yet. He was born in 1913.

Here is how it reads

486 Spring St

Dec 28th 1911

My dear Net

You have no idea how much pleasure that beautiful picture you sent me has given us. I have it on my bureau and I can't help taking it up and gazing at it whenever I am in my room. I think the older boy is the image of John and the baby (is it a boy too?) is just like you. I wrote to Claire about the picture and wished she had one too. I think it is one of the sweetest pictures I ever saw.

We had a very quiet time Christmas. My children remembered me so generously. You know I have so many children now I am rich & I expect Delmar will marry in the Spring, a lovely girl just twenty yrs old. It has not been announced yet but I suppose it will be in April.

Gordon married a lovely girl and is very happy. Ella is living right across the street from us keeping house in her own home. Nell & her husband & baby are with us. Her husband is in business here & they board with us. The baby is nine months old and is the best baby I ever saw. We have never had a nurse for her. We are going to have her picture taken and I will send you one.

I hope you had a happy Christmas and will enjoy all the happiness and prosperity next year that heart could wish.

Remember me to John & all the rest of my friends

Lovingly

Your Friend

Mrs. P H Baker

Okay - so I was curious - I mapquested that address. Well, I expected it to be in some "scary" part of Atlanta, if it still existed at all - since that was 98 years ago - You know how old nice neighborhoods in cities become the "rougher" areas as people evolve and move into newer developed areas. Actually, it's in downtown Atlanta. The address is still there, but I'm guessing a lot of medical businesses - it's close to a hospital - I-75 and I-85 cross over that street.

Also - funny that while they sound as if they are dear friends, she did not know if my uncle Thomas was a boy or a girl - I'm guessing his hair was cut "long" for a boy - and he had on rather billowy clothing. He was probably only a year old - I think he was 3 years older than daddy. Grandmother must not have put his name on the picture. I wonder if it might have been a Christmas card photo situation. Remember, not only was there no email in those days - the phoning was extremely limited and even postal stuff - well - who could write all those notes to all those people who moved away - but there was no TV - so I think there were many letters written. Either this Mrs. Baker was a good bit older than Grandmother(her children were young marrieds) or she married much younger than my grandmother who actually did marry considerably late for that time. I think Grandmother, like myself, was in her late twenties when she married. Daddy was 34 when he married my mother who was 28. Granddaddy was a good bit older than Grandmother - so our generations are really stretched far apart. Daddy was 38 when I was born - so my grandfather was quite old - hence he died before I could really know him, but I have very vivid mental images of him. Very vivid and he made quite an impression on me. I think I must have been in awe of him and a little curious at his dignified air, yet warm air. I think he was a very kind and caring man - but reserved - which was common for the culture then. My maternal grandfather had a different feel - but equally kind and caring - but such a unique personality - and a bit more "user friendly".

So - that is that letter - and that world in 1911.

I need to do other stuff - but I feel like writing about a lot of Troy memories - that dream really spurred me on -

I've got to end this post. I have a million things to do.

Well, guess what?

Okay, all of this is an edit to the post I just published. Because - I got up from the computer, went to put that very old letter back into the very old envelope which was glued into my grandmother's very old scrapbook - and my eyes landed on another small old envelope which was postmarked Atlanta, GA July 8 1913 - yet different handwriting from the other Atlanta, GA note which I just transcribed above. So, I got myself another cup of coffee and a Fiber One Bar and sat down to read the contents of this next envelope.

This next envelope holds 2 different notes written to my grandmother - It would appear that Mrs. P H Baker died and Grandmother had written sympathy letters to her daughters, who had been mentioned in her 1911 December note to Grandmother. That saddened me, because it's only 2 years later - and she had written so highly of her children - now they are writing regarding their mother.

Here they are:(another little item of interest - this is July 1913 - Daddy would be 2 months old - grandmother adjusting to having a 3rd son)

My dear Nett

I want to thank you for your sweet note of sympathy. I don't know how we will ever live without Mama. She was just as young and energetic when she died as when she lived in Troy. It was a terrible blow and one that will be hard to get over. We miss her in everything we do and everywhere we go for we treated her as a chum more than anything else.

I believe Mama expected to have her little visit with you although she would always put off her pleasures for ours and there was something to keep her at home all of the time, but she often spoke of you and how she would enjoy visiting you and seeing your children.

Sister came down from New York and stayed for two or three days with us. She kind-- in a way just filled Mama's place while she was here.

Mama was digging in her flowers early in the morning and we felt uneasy and went to look for her and she was under a little tree where she had sat down and probably fell back, dead with the hoe still in her hand. Wasn't that a beautiful way to go. She would have been miserable if we had had to wait on her a day - The girls and boys also want me to thank you for your sweet notes.

Most Sincerely,

Ella B. Ruse

411 (or 471) Spring Street.

Other Note in the Very Old and Browned Stained Envelope:

Sunday -

My dear Net,

We are all so stunned and heart-broken for Mama that we can hardly think.

She has been perfectly well and just as active as ever. You know Mama could do more than anybody. Honey spent the night out with us Tuesday night and we all played the piano & sang and Mama was as jolly as any one of us. We sat up till about eleven o'clock and when we went to bed Mama said she was going to get up early and dig around her roses. She does that often and I heard her get up and walk down the drive. I dozed off and waked up at six o'clock feeling awfully anxious about her because everything was so still. I dressed and went out to look for her and found her under a little tree already gone - It nearly killed us all. Her mother went the same way and Mama had always said that she wanted to go that way. But we are so lonesome and miserable without her. We all depended on her just like we did when we were little children.

She spoke of you so sweetly the other day and said she wanted to write you. She was so fond of you, Net, and I do wish that she could have visited you. She wanted to very much, but something always happened to prevent. Sister came down and stayed a week with us. The shock was awful for her.

We all try to be as cheerful as we can because we know that Mama would want us to.

We appreciated your sweet letter so much and I wish you would write to us when you can. I would love to hear from you.

Guess you don't know about Buddie's baby girl. She is a darling and Buddie is so happy over his little family.

Give my love, love from all of us, to Miss Josie and all your family. Sister wished so much that she could see you when she was here.

Affectionately

Nell Baker Strong

(A small aside - on the 1913 envelope is one red 2 cent stamp - instead of the 2 green one cent stamps that were on the 1911 envelope)

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. There is no remembrance of men of old, and even those who are yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow. Ecclesiastes 1:9-11

And while this is true, it was written by a despairing Solomon - and he was reflecting on the hopelessness of our flesh and the fact that we are all a vapor - James 4:14 - "You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" - we have the hope of Christ and Eternity and that is what gives our small, repetitive lives meaning if we have truly been born again- He, the God of all Creation is working out His plans in us - when we are yielded to Him - there - we have the supernatural privilege of offering our lives to Him for Him to be glorified in us. OH PRIVILEGE!!

So our best memories, the best of homes and houses and lives, turn to dust - but when we have been raised in newness of life by the resurrected Christ, then the best is before us - in eternity.

I still find it so very interesting to look back into these lives and old cultures and see the same emotions, the same relationships, the delight of the births of new babies and the excitement of living out daily, disciplined lives. God made us that way and all generations do it and continue to move on.

Tuesday, 2008 and a 1901 Marriage Proposal

Hello Tuesday.

I have cleaned out my refrigerator and my pantry, already, this morning - tossing items which are too old and are not going to ever be eaten. They just didn't work out. I love a bare pantry and refrigerator. I don't like clutter. One wouldn't know that, to see my house right now. I said, on Sunday afternoon, "My house is out of control". I said it to Charlie and Ann who were somewhere in the house. I was saying it out loud for all to hear. They were the only adults in the house, so they were the "all" who could hear it.

At least the pantry and refrigerator aren't cluttered for now.

But upstairs is awful. I have leftover clothes from at least 2 girls - Sarah and Kate - what they don't want in Auburn, they leave here. I can understand that - but I get mixed up about what they'll want later vs. what they'll never wear again. The category of what they'll never wear again, well, Ann and Laura Beth, when at my house, will often rummage through that stack and find something they want to wear. All of these stacks no longer have a place to go. I gave 2 chests of drawers away - to Sarah and Kate - when they moved into their new homes in Auburn.

Which leads me to the other pile of clutter - stacks and stacks of books. I gave a very large bookshelf to Sarah and I gave a bedside table to Kate. Now - all those books are sitting on the floor of one bedroom.

And, extra bedding is clean and folded, yet in the hall upstairs waiting for an appropriate place to be stored. It was on the single bed, out in my art studio. I gave that bed to Kate.

I was very glad to give furniture to Sarah and Kate. I wish I had more to give them. None of it is fine furniture - I like it, but it does have a flea market quality, which I do like that. I could spend hours in flea markets. I love them. My favorite kind of shopping.

One of the chests I bought when I was single. I bought it at a goodwill store in Troy, Alabama. I sweet talked my daddy into refinishing it for me. He did, and he did a great job. It's still attractive, I think. The other chest I bought at another flea market, stripped it, painted it white and distressed it. I like that look. I cleaned the glass knobs and I really like the chest of drawers.

The bookshelves, Daddy built for me when I was single, still - They are open shelves and have a contemporary look - I'd found the "how to" instructions in a magazine,

and he was sweet enough to build them for me.

They look much better in Sarah's college apartment than in my traditional home.

I want to get rid of pieces which I am ready to replace with mature, serious pieces. The trouble with mature, serious pieces is that they cost a lot of money. We just can't do all of that until later - but in writing this post - I think I've thought of a spot where all of that can go. It's a very deep box which - you guessed it - my daddy built for me. I had him build a toy box for the girls when they were little - It's rather large and deep and I think right now I can make better use of it, than its present use.

Okay, thanks for listening.

I'll share this with you now, which has nothing to do with what I just wrote.

I've just wanted to share these pieces since I began this blog - it's about favorite things and favorite memories - remember? The following is one of my treasures.

The first letter is written by my grandfather, John Wilkerson, asking for Joel Murphree's permission to marry his daughter Antoinette(Nettie). The second letter is my great grandfather's reply.

The letter head is Hickman & Riley, Attorneys. I suppose it was my grandfather's first job out of law school.

November 15th, 1901

to: Hon. J.D. Murphree,

Troy, Alabama

Dear Sir:

I desire to ask your consideration of a matter of much concern to me, but which I have until now refrained from presenting to you, for reasons which will appear from what I shall say. You may have noticed that your daughter, Nettie, and I have been friends. This friendship has grown very strong, and I feel that it will never be destroyed. The fact that until recently I have been struggling to make my way as a new-comer in the community in which I now live, and have had a very small income, has deterred me from asking that she be allowed to share my lot in life. But it is now, to ask your consent to this, that I write you this letter. I feel a reluctance toward saying much to you on the subject, as I am sure that my words cannot relieve you of any doubt or hesitation. I cannot well express to you the strength of my love for her, and I will not attempt it. She is such a woman, that I know of nothing that would so ensure a man's bcoming worthy of her as the being allowed to become her companion for life.

I wish to state that I shall be able to support a wife, though not in the greatest luxury usual to this country, and that I have sufficient prospects for the future to warrant me in doing myself the honor to ask for her at your hands. I would do nothing to imperil her happiness; and did I not believe this greatest favor I ask is in accord with her own heart's wish, I would consent to resign myself to a life-long unhappiness without her. The future is hidden from us, but Sir, while protestations are vain, I can say that I would do all that is in me and become me to be to her an honorable and loving husband.

Awaiting an early reply, I am,

Very respectfully,

John H. Wilkerson

The Reply

to: John H. Wilkerson, Esq. Troy, Ala. Nov. 18th 1901

Elba, Ala.

Dear Sir

Yours of 15th inst received and its contents duly noted. The matter of which your letter treats is the most important that you will ever be called on to consider. Nettie is very near and dear to me and to all her people. Therefore we cannot be otherwise than greatly interested in the choice she makes of a companion for life. Her future, weal or woe, in this world is involved, and should you and she become man & wife it will be with you to make it the one or the other. A man of your sense and accomplishments can make a wife happy and contented if so disposed.

An affectionate husband makes an affectionate wife. A true woman marries a man because she loves him. With Nettie love is the impelling power, and with you it should be likewise, for without mutual affection a continuous contented life is impossible.

The true impulse of the heart will come to the front either in words or acts, and once disclosed the impression made is not easily eradicated. Should you marry it should be the duty of both to please each other. A great deal more might be said on this line, but to a man of your intelligence I do not consider it necessary. Nettie is our baby child and we love her only as parents can love. She has never been required to take upon herself any of the hardships incident housekeeping. In this she has had comparatively an easy time. This was all right as it was not necessary that she should be called upon to perform disagreeable, irksome labor. Her marrying will bring about a necessity for a change and she will not likely have altogether so easy a time in this particular - But remember love makes labor easy and enjoyable. If you will study Nettie's wants and she can see that you are supplying them or making an honest effort to do so, and she does the same for you all will be well with you both. Nettie is reasonably intelligent and capable of judging what she should expect of you. Physically Nettie is not able to endure hardships. She is a tender plant and needs to be looked after and cared for by those who love her. If you love her as you declare in your letter to me, then you have nothing to fear. But should it turn out that you do not love her, then in that event she will be the greatest sufferer in mind and body, which will tell its tale of woe in spite of all efforts to prevent it. Nettie is a true Christian and a lover of her church which relation I do not wish disturbed.

I know nothing against your moral character, and that goes a long ways with me. I would not consent for Nettie to marry any man whom I did not regard as a gentleman. Riches are all right if properly used, but does not compare in value to a good name. You say you will be able to support a wife. This is as it should be as it will be your duty to support her.

With you I cannot see any reason or excuses for a failure. With proper economy and attention to the business in which you are engaged you can make a success. Learn to depend upon yourself, as though Nettie's Father was not worth a dollar. Then, what ever it may be your good fortune to get from me will be appreciated.

Yours Truly,

Joel D. Murphree

Well there it is. I love to read those letters. Hasn't our culture changed so much? Hasn't the sanctity of marriage changed so much? The truths of marriage haven't changed as expressed in my great grandfather's letter. He advised that they would have to work at it - and strive to be unselfish. That's hard. Grandmother and Granddaddy married in April of 1902 and were married 54 or 55 years. Not positive about the year Granddaddy died. Grandmother lived about 5 years more. She died when I was in the 6th grade and Mary Ann was in the 8th grade.

Thursday Night

My Blog is about remembering people and things in my past or present, and my favorite things. Those are all the same to me.



It's the end of the day, and it has been a full day. But I want to post this favorite "quote" by my Grandfather, John Halbert Wilkerson. It was included in a letter to my parents in June of 1951, a few weeks before I was born. He was writing them a letter, before the days of computers and cell phones and land phones with low cost long distant plans. Long Distant Phone calls were rationed out. They were not frequent. After updating Mother and Daddy on his and Grandmother's daily life in Troy, Alabama, and wishing them well regarding the upcoming birth of their second baby he closed the letter with the following:

Think how bad it would be

If day was everlasting

and there were no night,

No rising sun, no morning dew,

No morning glories,

No smell of bacon and coffee,

No new day with its chance and opportunity

Of starting all over again.

John Halbert Wilkerson

June 22, 1951

Good Night.