Tuesday, 2008 and a 1901 Marriage Proposal

Hello Tuesday.

I have cleaned out my refrigerator and my pantry, already, this morning - tossing items which are too old and are not going to ever be eaten. They just didn't work out. I love a bare pantry and refrigerator. I don't like clutter. One wouldn't know that, to see my house right now. I said, on Sunday afternoon, "My house is out of control". I said it to Charlie and Ann who were somewhere in the house. I was saying it out loud for all to hear. They were the only adults in the house, so they were the "all" who could hear it.

At least the pantry and refrigerator aren't cluttered for now.

But upstairs is awful. I have leftover clothes from at least 2 girls - Sarah and Kate - what they don't want in Auburn, they leave here. I can understand that - but I get mixed up about what they'll want later vs. what they'll never wear again. The category of what they'll never wear again, well, Ann and Laura Beth, when at my house, will often rummage through that stack and find something they want to wear. All of these stacks no longer have a place to go. I gave 2 chests of drawers away - to Sarah and Kate - when they moved into their new homes in Auburn.

Which leads me to the other pile of clutter - stacks and stacks of books. I gave a very large bookshelf to Sarah and I gave a bedside table to Kate. Now - all those books are sitting on the floor of one bedroom.

And, extra bedding is clean and folded, yet in the hall upstairs waiting for an appropriate place to be stored. It was on the single bed, out in my art studio. I gave that bed to Kate.

I was very glad to give furniture to Sarah and Kate. I wish I had more to give them. None of it is fine furniture - I like it, but it does have a flea market quality, which I do like that. I could spend hours in flea markets. I love them. My favorite kind of shopping.

One of the chests I bought when I was single. I bought it at a goodwill store in Troy, Alabama. I sweet talked my daddy into refinishing it for me. He did, and he did a great job. It's still attractive, I think. The other chest I bought at another flea market, stripped it, painted it white and distressed it. I like that look. I cleaned the glass knobs and I really like the chest of drawers.

The bookshelves, Daddy built for me when I was single, still - They are open shelves and have a contemporary look - I'd found the "how to" instructions in a magazine,

and he was sweet enough to build them for me.

They look much better in Sarah's college apartment than in my traditional home.

I want to get rid of pieces which I am ready to replace with mature, serious pieces. The trouble with mature, serious pieces is that they cost a lot of money. We just can't do all of that until later - but in writing this post - I think I've thought of a spot where all of that can go. It's a very deep box which - you guessed it - my daddy built for me. I had him build a toy box for the girls when they were little - It's rather large and deep and I think right now I can make better use of it, than its present use.

Okay, thanks for listening.

I'll share this with you now, which has nothing to do with what I just wrote.

I've just wanted to share these pieces since I began this blog - it's about favorite things and favorite memories - remember? The following is one of my treasures.

The first letter is written by my grandfather, John Wilkerson, asking for Joel Murphree's permission to marry his daughter Antoinette(Nettie). The second letter is my great grandfather's reply.

The letter head is Hickman & Riley, Attorneys. I suppose it was my grandfather's first job out of law school.

November 15th, 1901

to: Hon. J.D. Murphree,

Troy, Alabama

Dear Sir:

I desire to ask your consideration of a matter of much concern to me, but which I have until now refrained from presenting to you, for reasons which will appear from what I shall say. You may have noticed that your daughter, Nettie, and I have been friends. This friendship has grown very strong, and I feel that it will never be destroyed. The fact that until recently I have been struggling to make my way as a new-comer in the community in which I now live, and have had a very small income, has deterred me from asking that she be allowed to share my lot in life. But it is now, to ask your consent to this, that I write you this letter. I feel a reluctance toward saying much to you on the subject, as I am sure that my words cannot relieve you of any doubt or hesitation. I cannot well express to you the strength of my love for her, and I will not attempt it. She is such a woman, that I know of nothing that would so ensure a man's bcoming worthy of her as the being allowed to become her companion for life.

I wish to state that I shall be able to support a wife, though not in the greatest luxury usual to this country, and that I have sufficient prospects for the future to warrant me in doing myself the honor to ask for her at your hands. I would do nothing to imperil her happiness; and did I not believe this greatest favor I ask is in accord with her own heart's wish, I would consent to resign myself to a life-long unhappiness without her. The future is hidden from us, but Sir, while protestations are vain, I can say that I would do all that is in me and become me to be to her an honorable and loving husband.

Awaiting an early reply, I am,

Very respectfully,

John H. Wilkerson

The Reply

to: John H. Wilkerson, Esq. Troy, Ala. Nov. 18th 1901

Elba, Ala.

Dear Sir

Yours of 15th inst received and its contents duly noted. The matter of which your letter treats is the most important that you will ever be called on to consider. Nettie is very near and dear to me and to all her people. Therefore we cannot be otherwise than greatly interested in the choice she makes of a companion for life. Her future, weal or woe, in this world is involved, and should you and she become man & wife it will be with you to make it the one or the other. A man of your sense and accomplishments can make a wife happy and contented if so disposed.

An affectionate husband makes an affectionate wife. A true woman marries a man because she loves him. With Nettie love is the impelling power, and with you it should be likewise, for without mutual affection a continuous contented life is impossible.

The true impulse of the heart will come to the front either in words or acts, and once disclosed the impression made is not easily eradicated. Should you marry it should be the duty of both to please each other. A great deal more might be said on this line, but to a man of your intelligence I do not consider it necessary. Nettie is our baby child and we love her only as parents can love. She has never been required to take upon herself any of the hardships incident housekeeping. In this she has had comparatively an easy time. This was all right as it was not necessary that she should be called upon to perform disagreeable, irksome labor. Her marrying will bring about a necessity for a change and she will not likely have altogether so easy a time in this particular - But remember love makes labor easy and enjoyable. If you will study Nettie's wants and she can see that you are supplying them or making an honest effort to do so, and she does the same for you all will be well with you both. Nettie is reasonably intelligent and capable of judging what she should expect of you. Physically Nettie is not able to endure hardships. She is a tender plant and needs to be looked after and cared for by those who love her. If you love her as you declare in your letter to me, then you have nothing to fear. But should it turn out that you do not love her, then in that event she will be the greatest sufferer in mind and body, which will tell its tale of woe in spite of all efforts to prevent it. Nettie is a true Christian and a lover of her church which relation I do not wish disturbed.

I know nothing against your moral character, and that goes a long ways with me. I would not consent for Nettie to marry any man whom I did not regard as a gentleman. Riches are all right if properly used, but does not compare in value to a good name. You say you will be able to support a wife. This is as it should be as it will be your duty to support her.

With you I cannot see any reason or excuses for a failure. With proper economy and attention to the business in which you are engaged you can make a success. Learn to depend upon yourself, as though Nettie's Father was not worth a dollar. Then, what ever it may be your good fortune to get from me will be appreciated.

Yours Truly,

Joel D. Murphree

Well there it is. I love to read those letters. Hasn't our culture changed so much? Hasn't the sanctity of marriage changed so much? The truths of marriage haven't changed as expressed in my great grandfather's letter. He advised that they would have to work at it - and strive to be unselfish. That's hard. Grandmother and Granddaddy married in April of 1902 and were married 54 or 55 years. Not positive about the year Granddaddy died. Grandmother lived about 5 years more. She died when I was in the 6th grade and Mary Ann was in the 8th grade.