More on Grandparents and Then I Want to Talk about Today

Well - I said so much about Ella in yesterday's post.

I loved her.  Can you tell?

To be fair - Ella was about 50 when I was born - so she had that in her favor - time to interact with me and all of her grandchildren - and the energy - plus we lived in the same town - and she was just very very maternal.  I know that she was.  I saw her in action.  Even when my children were around her and my cousin's children - she was rather aged by then - but had not lost her enthusiasm toward her offspring - not at all.

I remember the first time I took Ann home to Evergreen - she was 2 months old and I knew my aunt Florence was on her way over with Ella  to see Ann - I think Ella must have been 79 - and I was standing by the baby bed where Ann was and Ella came in the room with much excitement and laughter and speed and saying, "Oh, I can't wait to see what Elizabeth's baby looks like!"  I could have sworn I saw the glistening of tears in her eyes.  I think I did.

But.....my other grandmother - my daddy's mother -

Antoinette Murphree Wilkerson.  She was 79 when I was born.  She born in 1872 in Troy, AL

She had a gleeful smile and demeanor - a high laughter, I think.  She really was fond of Mary Ann and me and I think loved our little girl ways.  It was just always so much more formal at her house when we visited.  My favorite memory of her is during one of our visits - and I had to be very very young - like 3 or 4 - she walked me down Murphree Street where she had always lived and knew all of her neighbors - and she had me by the hand  -  I had on a very nice Sunday dress with a short full skirt - she was literally showing me off to all her neighbors.  I loved that.  They were oohing and ahhing over me and I was loving the attention - I can feel myself strutting and strolling and feeling very good about the situation.

Other memory - even now the smell of clean sheets remind me of visiting her.  Well, of course  -  I finally realized - it was because she naturally had had her maid (not herself) put clean sheets on the beds when we were coming to stay overnight.  Ivory Soap - simple plain soap smells to me like her bathroom.  It was very large with a clawfoot tub - the bathroom had a fireplace in it.  Her bedroom doors and I suppose all other doors had transoms over them.  Mary Ann and I usually slept in her sleighbed and besides smellling the clean sheets I can feel myself staring up at that transom and being a bit nervous - also on the mantel in that bedroom (all the rooms had a fireplace) was a picture of my dad when he was very young.  I would also stare at it.


(Edit to this post:  I found the picture of Daddy which I would stare at - periodically - besides the times I was laying in bed.  I was just curious about all of it - I knew it was a time when Daddy belonged to Grandmother and Granddaddy - and not to us - it was a mystery to me - they loved him first)

And - I remember one evening watching her comb her long thin gray hair before bed.  A classic image. When I saw the movie, Driving Miss Daisy, Jessica Tandy's character, Miss Daisy, reminded me so much of my grandmother.

Here, let me show you a picture

Below is a picture of Grandmother in 1936.  

She was 64.

and here she is a young lady, probably before she married

and probably in her parents' home in Troy.

Do you see the piece of furniture in the left side of the picture?

That is a music stand.  It is in Mary Ann's house now, in Evergreen.

But it was always in Grandmother's Library - across the room from her Baby Grand Piano.

When Grandmother had it, it had a burgundy curtain across the front of the shelves which held the piano music.  

Once when we were in Troy, Mother and Daddy were visiting some of Daddy's friends and had left Mary Ann and me with Grandmother and Granddaddy.  Not a common occurrence. 

Mary Ann and I were roaming about their large house and the memory has us in the Library

and I was curiously separating the burgundy curtain to see what was behind it.

At that moment G'mother and G'daddy appeared in the room

and with a very gentle, kind tone

told me not to bother the curtain or the music stand.

The whole situation was so very intimidating that I slipped away into the back bedroom and unintentionally fell asleep.  I woke up to Mother's face. She was waking me from my nap.

I have no recollection of how Mary Ann handled all of that.

Here's a sweet memory of Grandmother - she must have realized that Mary Ann and I were somewhat bored as all the adults conversed in the living room - or what they always called "The Front Hall" -

She invited Mary Ann and me to go out back with her and she showed us some mossy areas on the ground and gave us flat sticks to scrape up the moss.  It was something she had done as a child, I think.  I can't remember what we were supposed to do with the moss.  Also, she took us to a sandy area just outside the door of my Uncle Halbert's Art Studio/Work Shop and gave us, again, some sticks and told us how to recognize the holes of doodle bugs???? and how to use the sticks to coax them out.  I remember preferring the playing with the moss.  Wasn't too keen on the bugs.

There really are a lot of good memories of visiting my grandparents in Troy - it was just so different from our life in Evergreen.  So different - but with just as many, or more, relatives living there.  Not as many first cousins - only 4 - but Daddy had so many cousins and distant cousins there.  I was always under the impression we were related to just about everyone there.  Of course we weren't, but it felt like it. Well, Grandmother was one of 5 siblings and Granddaddy - well - he had multiple siblings - but it was Grandmother's family that always seemed to be in the forefront.

Something unique - when we went for a holiday dinner - like Christmas or Thanksgiving - we sat in their formal dining room and Grandmother had a little bell by her plate.  If we needed something, she'd ding a ling that little bell and magically would appear her very very very sweet and comfortable maid/cook, Willy.  Willy had a limp and had a few freckles over her nose - much like Morgan Freeman, the actor.  Do you know what I mean?

Willy had the best nature and disposition and is the cook I remember.  She always greeted us with many hugs when we drove up into their back yard.  I wonder, now, what she thought about her life, working there amongst the upper crust of Troy, AL - the deep, segregated south.  What did she think of all of us and our white ways and white opinions and white attitudes?  I have some things from Grandmother's kitchen - things I use.  A very large pot.  A rolling pin.  I have her enamelware table.  I love those things and while they belonged to Grandmother - I always think of Willy when I use them.  I imagine all that she did with those cooking utensils.  I think about her life.

I must end this post.

Looks like there might be a few more things I'll want to say on the subject.

I hope I can remember what I wanted to say about today.

It had a lot to do with a conversation I had in Express Lube today.

Just the different kinds of personalities we can run into during our daily routines.

Tuesday, 2008 and a 1901 Marriage Proposal

Hello Tuesday.

I have cleaned out my refrigerator and my pantry, already, this morning - tossing items which are too old and are not going to ever be eaten. They just didn't work out. I love a bare pantry and refrigerator. I don't like clutter. One wouldn't know that, to see my house right now. I said, on Sunday afternoon, "My house is out of control". I said it to Charlie and Ann who were somewhere in the house. I was saying it out loud for all to hear. They were the only adults in the house, so they were the "all" who could hear it.

At least the pantry and refrigerator aren't cluttered for now.

But upstairs is awful. I have leftover clothes from at least 2 girls - Sarah and Kate - what they don't want in Auburn, they leave here. I can understand that - but I get mixed up about what they'll want later vs. what they'll never wear again. The category of what they'll never wear again, well, Ann and Laura Beth, when at my house, will often rummage through that stack and find something they want to wear. All of these stacks no longer have a place to go. I gave 2 chests of drawers away - to Sarah and Kate - when they moved into their new homes in Auburn.

Which leads me to the other pile of clutter - stacks and stacks of books. I gave a very large bookshelf to Sarah and I gave a bedside table to Kate. Now - all those books are sitting on the floor of one bedroom.

And, extra bedding is clean and folded, yet in the hall upstairs waiting for an appropriate place to be stored. It was on the single bed, out in my art studio. I gave that bed to Kate.

I was very glad to give furniture to Sarah and Kate. I wish I had more to give them. None of it is fine furniture - I like it, but it does have a flea market quality, which I do like that. I could spend hours in flea markets. I love them. My favorite kind of shopping.

One of the chests I bought when I was single. I bought it at a goodwill store in Troy, Alabama. I sweet talked my daddy into refinishing it for me. He did, and he did a great job. It's still attractive, I think. The other chest I bought at another flea market, stripped it, painted it white and distressed it. I like that look. I cleaned the glass knobs and I really like the chest of drawers.

The bookshelves, Daddy built for me when I was single, still - They are open shelves and have a contemporary look - I'd found the "how to" instructions in a magazine,

and he was sweet enough to build them for me.

They look much better in Sarah's college apartment than in my traditional home.

I want to get rid of pieces which I am ready to replace with mature, serious pieces. The trouble with mature, serious pieces is that they cost a lot of money. We just can't do all of that until later - but in writing this post - I think I've thought of a spot where all of that can go. It's a very deep box which - you guessed it - my daddy built for me. I had him build a toy box for the girls when they were little - It's rather large and deep and I think right now I can make better use of it, than its present use.

Okay, thanks for listening.

I'll share this with you now, which has nothing to do with what I just wrote.

I've just wanted to share these pieces since I began this blog - it's about favorite things and favorite memories - remember? The following is one of my treasures.

The first letter is written by my grandfather, John Wilkerson, asking for Joel Murphree's permission to marry his daughter Antoinette(Nettie). The second letter is my great grandfather's reply.

The letter head is Hickman & Riley, Attorneys. I suppose it was my grandfather's first job out of law school.

November 15th, 1901

to: Hon. J.D. Murphree,

Troy, Alabama

Dear Sir:

I desire to ask your consideration of a matter of much concern to me, but which I have until now refrained from presenting to you, for reasons which will appear from what I shall say. You may have noticed that your daughter, Nettie, and I have been friends. This friendship has grown very strong, and I feel that it will never be destroyed. The fact that until recently I have been struggling to make my way as a new-comer in the community in which I now live, and have had a very small income, has deterred me from asking that she be allowed to share my lot in life. But it is now, to ask your consent to this, that I write you this letter. I feel a reluctance toward saying much to you on the subject, as I am sure that my words cannot relieve you of any doubt or hesitation. I cannot well express to you the strength of my love for her, and I will not attempt it. She is such a woman, that I know of nothing that would so ensure a man's bcoming worthy of her as the being allowed to become her companion for life.

I wish to state that I shall be able to support a wife, though not in the greatest luxury usual to this country, and that I have sufficient prospects for the future to warrant me in doing myself the honor to ask for her at your hands. I would do nothing to imperil her happiness; and did I not believe this greatest favor I ask is in accord with her own heart's wish, I would consent to resign myself to a life-long unhappiness without her. The future is hidden from us, but Sir, while protestations are vain, I can say that I would do all that is in me and become me to be to her an honorable and loving husband.

Awaiting an early reply, I am,

Very respectfully,

John H. Wilkerson

The Reply

to: John H. Wilkerson, Esq. Troy, Ala. Nov. 18th 1901

Elba, Ala.

Dear Sir

Yours of 15th inst received and its contents duly noted. The matter of which your letter treats is the most important that you will ever be called on to consider. Nettie is very near and dear to me and to all her people. Therefore we cannot be otherwise than greatly interested in the choice she makes of a companion for life. Her future, weal or woe, in this world is involved, and should you and she become man & wife it will be with you to make it the one or the other. A man of your sense and accomplishments can make a wife happy and contented if so disposed.

An affectionate husband makes an affectionate wife. A true woman marries a man because she loves him. With Nettie love is the impelling power, and with you it should be likewise, for without mutual affection a continuous contented life is impossible.

The true impulse of the heart will come to the front either in words or acts, and once disclosed the impression made is not easily eradicated. Should you marry it should be the duty of both to please each other. A great deal more might be said on this line, but to a man of your intelligence I do not consider it necessary. Nettie is our baby child and we love her only as parents can love. She has never been required to take upon herself any of the hardships incident housekeeping. In this she has had comparatively an easy time. This was all right as it was not necessary that she should be called upon to perform disagreeable, irksome labor. Her marrying will bring about a necessity for a change and she will not likely have altogether so easy a time in this particular - But remember love makes labor easy and enjoyable. If you will study Nettie's wants and she can see that you are supplying them or making an honest effort to do so, and she does the same for you all will be well with you both. Nettie is reasonably intelligent and capable of judging what she should expect of you. Physically Nettie is not able to endure hardships. She is a tender plant and needs to be looked after and cared for by those who love her. If you love her as you declare in your letter to me, then you have nothing to fear. But should it turn out that you do not love her, then in that event she will be the greatest sufferer in mind and body, which will tell its tale of woe in spite of all efforts to prevent it. Nettie is a true Christian and a lover of her church which relation I do not wish disturbed.

I know nothing against your moral character, and that goes a long ways with me. I would not consent for Nettie to marry any man whom I did not regard as a gentleman. Riches are all right if properly used, but does not compare in value to a good name. You say you will be able to support a wife. This is as it should be as it will be your duty to support her.

With you I cannot see any reason or excuses for a failure. With proper economy and attention to the business in which you are engaged you can make a success. Learn to depend upon yourself, as though Nettie's Father was not worth a dollar. Then, what ever it may be your good fortune to get from me will be appreciated.

Yours Truly,

Joel D. Murphree

Well there it is. I love to read those letters. Hasn't our culture changed so much? Hasn't the sanctity of marriage changed so much? The truths of marriage haven't changed as expressed in my great grandfather's letter. He advised that they would have to work at it - and strive to be unselfish. That's hard. Grandmother and Granddaddy married in April of 1902 and were married 54 or 55 years. Not positive about the year Granddaddy died. Grandmother lived about 5 years more. She died when I was in the 6th grade and Mary Ann was in the 8th grade.