This is a phenomenon of one woman who is 57.
Insomnia has never been something I've dealt with. Also, I'm not a worrier. Not to say I never worry - but it doesn't describe me. Obviously there are things that are big enough in my life that might weigh on my mind - but I don't "own" worry. Not one of the weaknesses I deal with. So - worry doesn't keep me from sleeping.
So...... at this stage of my life.....I will go along my usual pattern - daytime/awake - nighttime/asleep - good sleep - but all along, even after having fallen asleep on the couch and waking long enough to stumble to bed - eager to return to my slumber - my brain's eyes slowly come fully awake and there is no falling asleep. Weird. It is either hormonal or it is God keeping me awake to commune with me. (that is my 57 year old phenomenon I was talking about - very unpredictable)
An aside - I want to come clean with all of you young women who are believers and read all about the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31. I know one thing about verse 15. It says that "She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens."
Well - I'm thinking this lady is a mature woman and I now, too, rise while it is yet night - but it's because I can't sleep....sometimes, and I get a lot done when I "can't sleep". If I'm sleepy, I sleep - unless I'm helping one of my girls with their newborns. I know that Ann is a young woman and that right now she, too, rises while it is yet night - to feed Andrew. She definitely provides food for him - but she has no maidens and if she did, well, she would have them providing their own food - and probably telling them to forget the food - could they please hold Andrew and burp him between feedings.
Back to if I sleep or don't sleep.
Last night, after many many many nights of being able to sleep - well, I couldn't - when my head hit the pillow. I had already been asleep on the couch and couldn't wait to get to my bed. I now know NOT to get up if I need the sleep - because I certainly wouldn't fall asleep if I'm up and about - I mean, I would get up if there were things to be done - but I needed to fall asleep - not knowing what this new day would hold. So - I lay there with some weird secular song in my brain - not sure where that came from unless it was from my blog. Probably. So - I began to think about God - of course(and I prayed earnestly for wisdom - asking would it be better to get up and read His word or to lay there and pray the scripture I know, in order to soon get sleep as He enabled me) - I've always done that on my pillow at night - focused on God, in a personal way - way back into earliest childhood memories. I believe it is the way He has always spoken to me and what led me to my salvation - another post - okay - so last night - wanting to get that stupid song out of my brain I began to remember praise verses in scripture - majestic ones - but not knowing the complete passages, I determined that I MUST memorize this stuff - something I've never been able to deliberately do - memorize scripture. It's only in studying it over and over that I memorize it without planning to. So - there I lay - and I just want to say that at age 57 - God has done that thing in me - that I now know there is no peace in anything but focusing on the complete holiness of the God of ALL Creation. It dissolves any fears, any worries, any distractions, any worldly wants regarding things one can't have at the present, it pales all other things and answers all needs and prayers. What got under my skin was not knowing the entire passages - so I purposed that I would begin the project that I have so often meant to start.
I love to type. My eyesight is getting worse and worse. I use reading glasses and magnifying glasses to see small print. So - today - I've been working on putting in print my best and most faith strengthing praise scripture and prayer scripture. I need this collection for when I'm really really old and can't see a thing and need really large print. and at that age, the only thing I will need in my life is God's word and someone making me comfortable - but if I don't have someone making me comfortable, then I will only need God's word.
I hate taking scripture out of context - but I've done my best to include the entire passage that wouldn't misrepresent the verses - if that makes sense. Praising God - how can that ever be out of context - and the reality of His Kingdom - it stands alone.
I've said all of this to say, that when I can't think of a single thing about "this world and this life" to post about - then I'm going to share some of that scripture that praises the Eternal God - and encourage anyone reading this to take hold of it - for whatever you are facing on a daily basis.
To be continued. You won't get the verses at this moment. I have run out of "typing time" and will post a praise and prayer passage in the next post. Unless I've thought of something to write about regarding "this world". :-)