This is Evergreen United Methodist Church.
Dear Diary, went to Sunday School and Church. Always. Every Sunday.
My church. As believers, don't we know it's not about the building? Especially now, living in this culture, we've become so very mobile - hardly anyone stays in one place very long. I was born in a time when we weren't mobile at all. I still don't enjoy "mobility" very much. I don't know what it is about legacy and inheritance - but there is something about being able to say that My grandparents were there when the cornerstone was laid on this building. My parents were married in this church. I was married in this church. Mother and Daddy's funerals were held in this church. My aunt is the organist and has been as long as I can remember. Daddy was the choir director for so very long - that we all wondered how it would work without him. He had to quit when his Alzheimer's Disease was getting the best of him. He did it on his own when he realized things were getting a little weird. My sister, Mary Ann, after moving back to Evergreen, returned to Evergreen Methodist. She now plays the piano there and sings in the choir. I have 3 first cousins who were married here and 2 second cousins. My cousin's daughter is engaged and presently planning a wedding in this church. I suppose my 3 aunts were married in this church. I know Mary and Florence were. I am just not sure about Lucille. All the Vacation Bible Schools, all the Christmases, all the Easters, all the fellowship meals, all the MYF's, all the youth group stuff, in this church- I actually didn't understand the gospel for the first time here. I was a few blocks over in the basement of the Presbyterian Church, when Frank Barker of Briarwood Presbyterian in Birmingham was speaking to the "youth" in the community. It was March of 1968. I was a junior at Evergreen High School. Most of us had been to a Billy Graham movie in Greenville, AL - "The Restless Ones" - it was the first of those kinds of films. I even remember what dress I wore to the movie and the events before my "guy friend", not boyfriend, picked me up. There was an altar call at the end of the movie - "Just As I Am". I remember feeling like I should "set an example" for the other people in the theater, by going down to the front of the movie theater. (I so didn't understand my unregenerated state - not at all - I was still in that fog of blindness - thinking it was all about my good behavior -) That movie was on a Saturday Night. Next day Sunday and then that night our Sunday night services were cancelled so we could all go over to the Presbyterian Church to hear Frank Barker. We all heard him speak, I loved what I heard - I remember that - but still didn't understand my deadness -
There was an announcement that the youth were to go down to the basement, where classrooms were. Frank Barker would meet with us to discuss the movie with him. We did that. I remember how it felt to be sitting there with cousins and friends - all of them I knew quite well. I don't remember all of those who were there, but I remember a few, specifically. I can still feel that sense of responsibility that I felt - sympathy for Frank Barker - because he was not getting a whole lot of response from any of us - and I actually couldn't think of anything to say, either. What I didn't know, but realized later - Frank Barker understood the situation quite well - and was probably praying for the Holy Spirit to please light up the truth for us - He had to have seen clearly that we were all living in darkness - not understanding the truth of the gospel.
And then that moment. Dr. Barker's tone of voice was one of, "Let me try to explain it this way, since you're not understanding it all the other ways." And he explained it using the Courtroom scene. Someone has been declared guilty, sentenced to prison, or payment of a debt. The one whom that guilty person owes steps up to clear the guilty person by either paying the debt or going to prison for him. And the judge says to the guilty man, "You're free, the debt has been paid". That's when the light came on for me. I had never known that I owed a debt. I didn't know that even one sin was an indication of my fallen nature - that the whole sin nature had to be dealt with. He must have gone on to explain so much - because at age 16, I knew that Christ had to have all of me - that it was not just saying a sentence, not just signing on a dotted line, not just getting a ticket for free - Whatever he said and taught that night, I understood it was my life for Christ's. He was offering rebirth - He would be born into me - born again - empowering me to live like Him. I didn't know all those words - but I understood that He had bought me with His blood. I had such a light in my brain and soul and spirit. I told noone there in the basement of the Presbyterian Church. I certainly didn't tell Dr. Barker. In my mind's eye, I see myself walking out of that place, somewhat in shock, and I see myself riding home with Mother and Daddy and Mary Ann, in the backseat of our Dark Green, Ford Galaxy 500, :-), thinking about all that I had just heard, with every intention of conversing with God once I was alone in my bed. I can feel the way I felt as we pulled into our carport - and I finally did begin to speak to my family, asking, "Did ya'll know that Christ had to pay for our sins on the cross????" - and it was questions like that, "Did you know this? Did you know this or that??!!!" I was feeling like there was this cosmic secret noone had fully explained to me. I think they were feeling like there was this cosmic secret they had been trying to explain to me but I wasn't getting it. I remember Mary Ann next to me, and thinking she was not getting it. That's a whole other story and on this day, she is 59, and definitely gets it. Her testimony is all very different from mine. She relinquished her life to Him a couple of years after that, at Huntingdon College, reading The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life by Hannah Smith. {Sorry grammar people, this offers no way to underline the title of a book, so I boldfaced it. :-( } And then she entered a whole new phase of understanding the full extent of His work on the cross, several years into her adult life. Really produced a dramatic change in her peace and spirit. It was the teaching of Michael Horton, and his books and tapes that gave her a whole new understanding. If you're reading this, Mary Ann, sorry I am tampering with your testimony. I bet I'm not getting it completely correct. :-( Forgive me.
Anyway, back to our pulling into the driveway and carport. My questions, their answers. I was thinking, "Nevermind - I have to get to bed and talk to God". So in we went. I systematically got ready for bed, pajamas, brush teeth - It was a 2 bedroom house with one bathroom - I have no recollection of what the others were doing - I was about to be born again - enter into eternal life, become a citizen of the Kingdom of God - Praise God, Praise God, Praise God - I was about to be set free - shackles loosed, chains broken - Hallalujah!
I can feel the way it felt in my twin bed which I had slept in for so long, but had been rearranged many times in our room, looking for some kind of change or variety. I can feel myself inside my flesh - saying to HIM who holds the universe in the palm of His hand - the one true God - The Sovereign Creator of all living things - The Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit -
I said, "well, you heard what I heard - Dr. Barker said this - and so.....I invite you into my heart. There it is. I open the door of my heart and invite you in. I give you all of me. I know that my life is no longer my own - and so everything I have and am is yours." I told Him all the ways I understood it. I even told Him I knew that I would have much stuff in my future that would cause me to wander, let go - but that I would trust Him to never let go of me. I wanted Him to keep me near Him. He did. He has. I think that today I will look up scripture to post tomorrow or the next day - which show His word of promise - like the one about He who began a good work in you is able or faithful to complete it - So, I can feel myself lying there in bed, and closing that prayer that gave me birth into a new and living hope - into life - He rescued me from the dominion of darkness into His Kingdom of Light. I said something like, "Well, that's it. I'm trusting that You are now in my heart and will do all that You promised to do. I trust that I am now a Christian and that my sins and sin are paid for. I trust that I am born again." I closed it like that and went to sleep. It was all very matter of fact. There was absolutely no drama, no elaborate emotions, noone knew what I did, until I began to tell it - I didn't plan that night to start telling it, but it's hard not to. It's hard not to want everyone to hear it and to know it - so I began my clumsy efforts to share. I've always been clumsy with it. I didn't know that night about spiritual gifts. I didn't know that I definitely didn't get the gift of evangelism. Oh man. I'm the worst sharer of the gospel in the world. I can confuse anyone and leave them hanging. Sad. But it's all God's business. He knows what to do with people. Thankfully, it's not up to me.
I really didn't know what I would post today. I didn't plan that. I just began with my diary entries, knew I actually had a picture of my childhood church, put that in, and it all evolved into a detail of my conversion experience.
I have lots of letters that my parents and grandparents have saved which I want to put in this blog at some point. They give us insight into the culture during the 40's and 50's. The way family used to be - the way neighborhoods and cities and small towns used to be. God is in control of history, so I don't pine away that it's not the way it used to be. It was my time to be born, in 1951 - so those years from then to now have shaped me. It's what I have to share from. I am delighted that we are moving closer and closer to The Day of His Coming. I'm beyond thankful that He has allowed me to live and be a part of His Kingdom - and that one day there will be a New Heaven and a New Earth. Anyway, I can't think of ways to transition into sharing those letters, but I'll figure it out. I keep thinking that my diary entries will get me there. Today those entries ushered me into my story of my rebirth. So, there you are. I can't imagine anyone reading all of this - but I suppose some do.
1 comment:
well, I read it all, and as I got to the part about your being "born again" come thou fount began playing, very appropriate. And the song we sang at my wedding, which I couldn't enjoy because I thought my dress had fallen down as I walked down the aisle. But anyway...I read it and enjoyed it. And I so didn't get the gift of evangelism either, oh man. I am terrible at it!!
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