Tuesday, January 27, 2009

1981 - 2009

I am trying to decide whether to keep up this blog. I have no inspiration to write anything. Is it because it's January? Well, January is almost over. Next is February. We're headed into active days. If anyone reads my blog, then I know you've read Ann's and see that the projected birth date for Andrew is Monday February 2, 2009. All of us involved need to buckle up for safe landing.

This whole week is so unusual - surreal - ghosts - is it really 2009 already??? In 1981 I was three weeks overdue with Ann - and it was my first pregnancy. She had been due on January 16 and everytime I went to the doctor - absolutely no change in my body - and he'd send me home. And this year all the days are the same, because Ann was born on Sunday, February 1. This year February 1 falls on a Sunday. Charlie and I were living in Goosepond apartments - not far from where Ann and Steve live now. When Friday January 30th arrived I thought I would go mad. I just didn't think my body was working. It wasn't! It wasn't doing anything to deliver my baby. And the doctor seemed perfectly calm about the whole thing. I remember that Friday night being in my bedroom, Charlie was watching TV, and I went in the back to "beg" God to please let something happen. I felt guilty because anytime I am disgruntled with a situation, I know that so many people have far worse circumstances - so I knew that I had absolutely no reason to complain - yet my brain felt like it could not approach another moment that didn't involve delivering this baby inside of me. I determined that the next morning Charlie and I would start walking, and that we'd walk and walk and walk until I went into labor. That was my intent. Well, Saturday morning we did walk, but I soon had to return to the apartment - I'd not factored in that I couldn't get far from a bathroom.

The day passed and after lunch I lay down to nap. I vividly recall a sharp line of pain, very very thin line, up my swollen belly. It happened once, but it never occurred to me that it was labor. Imagine! I'm 3 weeks overdue and I didn't think, "labor pain". A while later it happened again, and then again, not very uncomfortable but it got my attention - and then I had that AHA! moment. Could this be it??? I did fall asleep, and when I woke, I was still having those consistent sensations - all along. I didn't tell Charlie - that's just so like me - because I didn't want to be "watched". I just kept it to myself - and all the way to bedtime - and they were getting stronger - As Charlie was falling asleep, and I was staying up - I decided to warn him. He calmly said, "Well, let me know if anything happens" - and he fell asleep. I stayed up all night long, literally. I watched all of Street Car Named Desire. When I see or hear anything about that movie with M. Brando and Vivian Leigh, I think of the night I was in labor with Ann. I couldn't sleep at all, because I was so aware of the possibility of having my longed for little baby. I was never incredibly uncomfortable. Mostly just had to wince a bit when I had the contraction. I did shower in the wee hours so I'd be clean as a whistle. I woke Charlie pretty early and we called the doctor. He had me come in - and I did have Ann that day. She was born at 1:58 p.m. on Sunday February 1, 1981.

So - here we are, like I said earlier, same week - only it's 2009. I blinked and we got here. When I describe those scenes I'm seeing the images. I can see exactly how those things happened - those events. It's like a movie is playing in my head, and I'm watching it. So - I'm very excited about Andrew Bailey Barber's birth. I can't wait to see him.


joy said...

PLEASE, PLEASE continue your blog! I, if no one else enjoy reading it. I have always felt like you could/ should write a book. You have a lot to say & do it so beautifully. There has been more than one occasion where i sat crying as i read your words. You make me feel like home. Its familiar. Its you in words and pictures for everyone to see!

Stephanie said...

I totally agree!!!!!!