My Favorites

I've actually had people ask me which child do I connect to the most.  I connect to each daughter and would pray for a connect if there wasn't one.  We've had seasons of conflict and what carries me or has carried me is this knowledge, that no daughter can stop me from loving her.  My prayers will always cover her.

I don't think anyone has asked me if I had a favorite.

I have had that question asked regarding my grandchildren - at this point I have five.

I couldn't possibly have a favorite.  That's the absolute truth.  Do people name favorite children or favorite grandchildren?

When Laura Beth, my second was born, and we  brought her home to 18 month old Ann - my emotions were rather topsy turvy.  The newborn had arrived and was demanding.  The old way was behind us - the one child family - and we were now a two child family.  On that night, I, crying,  and Ann was asleep in her big girl bed - having been bumped by new baby Laura Beth - I crawled in bed next to sleeping Ann and whispered in her ear, "You're my favorite".  I've told Laura Beth that story.  That moment was indulgent of my fleeting emotions and wasn't at all true.  In that second with hormones out of spin, it felt true - but not for long.

Truthfully, and I've read this of other mothers, how they describe it - I don't love my girls equally - I do have favorites.  Each one is my favorite.  Each daughter generates that intensity of my magnetism toward them.  My being drawn to each one - Each is  unique and each is my favorite in her place - in her spot.  Each one is the only one I love.

I'm a hoarder of children and grandchildren.  I want them all.  Surely that is the natural connect, the way it's supposed to be.  At this point I reflect for a moment on those parents who've been allowed to endure that awful grief of losing a child to death - any age - beyond my scope of thinking and imagining - but God's grace is for those times and I can't dwell on the what ifs.  I trust His carrying me in that depth of grief should I have to endure.  Fear is NO place to dwell.

Now grandchildren.  Even this week, with Ellie, Luke and Andrew, I wanted Ada there.  I've only known her 3 years.  But now I want her all the time - but of course can live without her all the time.  Still - it wasn't natural to have her out of the mix.  While I didn't want 5 month John in the beach scene, still, I want easy access - not 3 1/2 hour access in my very old car.

I say all that to say all of this - I have a LOT of cute pictures of Andrew from the beach.  I am about to post  just a few of them.  He's so stinkin' cute!!!!  Again, in only a way that Andrew can be so cute.  It's just that he's 17 months and toddles and has fat feet and fat hands and a little button nose - Here we go.

(Don't think that I don't know that every grandparents' grandchildren are the cutest - I know that - our hearts are so wrapped around them we can't even see straight.)

Also - selfless(or is it selfish) disclaimer here:  I absolutely love my time alone.  Two conflicting possible, would be, potential "idols".

1.  Time alone

2. Multiple Offspring.

The two don't go together.  What to do, what to do.  Pull my hair out?  And have a Hissy Fit?

But really?  Can the reader forgive my obnoxious display of Andrew pictures?

I indulged myself.