The Help and What I've Been Doing Since My Last Post 9 Days Ago

Charlie and I did go see The Help - I really, really liked it.  I had read the book already because I knew it would be so much better than the movie and I definitely wanted to see the movie - but didn't want the movie to ruin the book for me.  I have read lots of articles about the author - who is from Jackson, MS.

I am 60 - so I lived through all of that.  I have my own stories from my very white perspective and wish so much we hadn't all been so blind.  Anyone of us in my age bracket lived through the reality of that - It was and continues to be shocking to me.  I was born in 1951 and so of course in 1961 I was only 10.

The book is good and trumps the movie.  Still, the movie is so good, too.  I watched it with Mike and Mary Bratton, and Charlie and none of them had read the book.  I was curious to get their reaction.  They liked it a lot.

There's a lady in south Alabama whom I know.  I knew her as a child when she would help Mother with Mary Ann and me.  I LOVED her.  She was just a very young teenager when she would baby sit us.  I thought she was beautiful and had a magical energy.  I never forgot her.  I never knew her last name until our paths crossed again when I was 50.  Mary Ann knew she'd moved back to Evergreen and she and her sister were willing to help us care for Mom after Mother's near fatal stomach event which had put her in intensive care.  I remember my strong emotional reaction when I saw her again.  I was maybe 4 or 5 the last time I'd seen her.  I cried and was trembling.  She had no idea that she'd meant that much to me.  She still had that same energy and was still beautiful and smart and bright and laughed so much.  Here we were adults and able to share stories - mostly hers with Mary Ann and me listening.  Amazing to get her perspective, with no bitterness, on life in Evergreen, AL during all the days of segregation and then life during the time of the civil rights movement.  We had lived in the deepest of the deep south, she on the black side, Mary Ann and I on the white side.  She had loved Mother.  Even before this movie and this book, I've wanted to make some questions for an interview with her - and share it on this blog.

I'm going to do it one of these days.  She's a great story teller.  She has amazing stories!!  She and her sister together have amazing stories.

What I've been doing since the last post - Last week - getting my house and yard in order to prepare for Ada and John being with me, here at my house, for a week - while Laura Beth and Scott prepare to move into their cute rental house.

So - pictures from yesterday.  (I met LB and Scott in Adairsville.  Mary Bratton rode with me - the drive over was certainly different than the drive home.  On the way back to Scottsboro we had tired John and chatty, excited Ada in the back seat.  Mary saw my grandparenting world in full swing.)

I'm Peering Out from Under His Wings

Yesterday was Tuesday - I accompanied Ann and children to Huntsville.

We left in heavy flooding rain and drove home in sunshine.  Amazing.

Oh, those childbearing years.   The possibility of life inside your body - again - even more amazing.  Beyond amazing.  The image of that little bit on the ultrasound screen.  I thought it looked like a girl.  Ann laughs at me.

We have a small glitch in our thrill - our breathless anticipation of watching her/it grow.  Ann's calculations are that she's 8 weeks.  The baby measures 5 weeks 6 days.  Could be that Ann is off but she knows she isn't off 2 weeks.  She was too small to hear a heartbeat although the nurse pointed to it beating.

Ann will return next week to have another look - when hopefully the size will be more and we can have more assurance.

And this week John, in McDonough, 6 month old John, will return to the neurologist place for his eeg and bloodwork - just to make sure that his screaming fits/holding breath/seizures are just his temper and not brain related.  Has a 6 month old ever been to any anger management programs?  Awww, John, so cute - but you get so upset!

And then Andrew - seems he has some normal looking birthmarks which they call "cafe au lait" birthmarks.

Who knew?  and doctors pay close attention to them - and watch them - and in rare occasions they become Neurofibromastosis.  They count them and if there are several then they test a little bit more.

Good grief - just when all is smooth sailing, little glitches come up.

It just so happens that the pediatrician of Ann's children was the pediatrician of my children and is a personal friend of Charlie and me.  He's not worried about Andrew and doesn't expect the birthmarks to be anything but benign - still - have to watch.  

And Dr. Wheeler,  Ann's ob/gyn, was very relaxed about the size of Ann's baby - still no promises -

and don't we want promises?

Promise me no heartache, no disappointment, no pain.

Promise me comfortable and easy and smooth sailing.

Promise me no trials, no sadness, no sorrow.

Can't promise that.

Well, what promises can we have?

How about Psalm 91?

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will abide in the Shadow of the Almighty.

I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust."

For He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler

and from deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with His pinions,

and under His wings you will find refuge; 

His faithfulness is a shield and a buckler.

There's more in this whole chapter.

Verse eleven reads:

For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.

This is the day.

Sunshine, a repaired lawn mower, and time to cut grass.

Not a Day That Fits Me

I really had looked forward to this Monday

but it's not fitting me.

I can't find any momentum.

I had intended for it to be very productive.  I'd looked forward to it.

First I was going to clean upstairs really good.

Missed that.

I did work on some bible study stuff, but not as thoroughly as I intended.

I had expected some things in the mail.

Those didn't get here.

Our lawn mower was returned with it's expensive new starter

but I didn't get the grass cut as I thought I would - grass that is over a week high.

I ate things I didn't intend to eat - emotional eating.  Know what I mean?

I finally got a late bath - began to prepare dinner - and did strip some beds upstairs and decluttered just a bit - enough to have made a good dent - so I feel better -

It's like I started the day over at about 3:30 p.m.

I hate to feel like I might have wasted a day - but I might have at least wasted portions of it.

Well - begin again.

Grace and Redemption.

August First

Welcome August..... I think!

I hate not to welcome the beginning of any month.

But, August?

We know what it means.

Say one final goodbye to summer of 2010.  It will be a hot goodbye.  Hot!

We looked so forward to this summer.  I did.  And of course there's always Fall and October to look forward to.  and November and December with all of it's creativity and color.  Before winter.

But summer of 2010.  I was so glad for it to be here.

So much to be thankful for.  So much.

5 grandchildren with one on the way.

Kate and Sarah placed in jobs and places they are glad to be a part of.  That makes me so grateful and glad.  It scares me, sometimes, to have such a "glad" feeling.  Not because I don't want a grateful heart, but we are in a momentary "comfortable" place - not so much in a trial or even a semi trial - unless you count having to do strenuous moving of girls to new places a trial.  I don't really.

John is due to see a neurologist next week.  For now, it seems "precautionary" and not too alarming.  It's followup on the whys of his crying and holding his breath and that turning into what looks like a seizure of sorts.  I've seen it and it is unnerving.  I've never seen anything like that.  It happened last time Laura Beth had him at the pediatrician, fortunately.  It got their attention.  She had been telling him about it and he brushed off what he thought was that typical breath holding thing.  He sent them to a pediatric cardiologist who gave good reports on his heart.  Some blips and wanted to see him in 6 months - but still, just routine followup for the most part.  So - to cover all bases, the pediatrician wants her to see a neurologist.  I don't think about it too much.  I've seen him this weekend and he is incredibly strong and healthy and so on top of things in developlment - and hasn't done the crying/seizure thing.  That's because if he whimpers I go for him and at least encourage someone to do so.  I mean, so does Laura Beth, but as a grandmother I immediately want to not let the crying get out of hand, to prevent the thing he does.

But still, what messes with my angst is the emotional stability of my daughters - even more than their physical health.  Isn't that weird?  Mess with their hearts and I go into savior mode.  Fix it, fix it!!  but then, the physical can step over and mess with the emotional - so there's both.  It's my area of really having to let God be God and my not trying to handle everything.

How did I get from the subject being "August" to the subject being "I'm So Glad My Girls Are Happy for Now"?  Anyway - life is just full of stuff to deal with and for now all is quiet on the home front and I'm glad but with a watchful eye.  I really am identified as an optimist more than a pessiment by my friends and family - but also a realist - and life is life and it has its stuff(trials).

I'll tell you one thing - I'm so blessed to the point I'm exhausted.  All four of my daughters plus grandchildren have been in my home this weekend.  We have laughed and talked and analyzed and everything else while the grandchildren had their own hullabaloo - It's Sunday evening and I am really tired and really glad.

And.....Welcome August - Thank you Lord for every season and every day and every month and every year and every second.  Thank you for the good, the bad and the ugly and how You use it all in our lives to make us look like You, when we have said yes to Your Gospel.  When we have said yes to You.

Sunday Evening

It's Sunday afternoon/evening and I "haven't got a thing".... to talk about.

Isn't that what friends do?  Get together because we want to - we have coffee or something to "sip" in our hands - or nothing at all - but we want conversation - community - pieces of our heart to be shared.

What do you want to talk about?

So we start with stuff, facts, questions about each other -

I'll tell you this.

It's been a good, a really nice Sunday.  I never nap and I did.  Naps have ALWAYS been hard for me.  I napped today.

That was one of the first clues toward knowing I was pregnant with Ann.  I had just told a friend, at work, "I never nap".  Went home, at about 3:00, prior to Charlie's getting home for work, and I conked out watching "M.A.S.H."    I was asleep when he got home from work.  I thought it was coincidence and laughed next day when I told Janice that I actually fell asleep in the afternoon following my nap comment.  I did the same thing next two days.  

In those days, my routine:  I went to work really early - really early - like at about 7:00.  It was optional then - flex hours - and only 30 min. for lunch - so I could get home around 3:00.  I've ALWAYS loved "being at home".  I'd get home - undo, unpack, unwind - and end up watching M.A.S.H. on afternoon T.V.  Charlie would come in when the show was getting over.  I never even thought about falling asleep.  That first afternoon I did.  Also, I carpooled with this friend, to work - we both went in at 7:00.

Charlie and I lived in English Village right in the cute part of the heart of Mtn. Brook in Birmingham.  So, this friend of mine, with whom I carpooled, I remember his picking me up - and I had already been feeling a bit queasy.  Okay - the obvious clue for me could have been the obvious clue....you know?  missing the "you-know-what".  That queasy feeling happened for a couple of days.  Still, I wasn't getting it.

Other obvious clue.  Charlie and I went over to Samford's track each afternoon to run.  All of a sudden I couldn't run my usual distance without getting incredibly winded/out of breath way too soon. Again - I wasn't getting it.

Other conversation with Janice at work - again - naps in the afternoon continue - not getting that clue - but as girls will talk either about their birthing experiences or their "cycles" - go figure why we do that - well, in the middle of "I still haven't st...........ed" - we both gasped.  We wondered.

Not a big deal, home preg tests in that day.  Went to Jancie's doctor with her because she happened to be going the next day and knew him and the office and wanted me to go ahead and find out.  I did, we did, and I was.

Wow.

See?  We can think of stuff to talk about.  Just throw something out there and, well, most of us have a story.  This random story began with a nap comment.

That little baby?  Ann?  She's 29.  I was 29 when I had my first.  I had my fourth at age 36.  She's 29 and is pregnant with her fourth.  We just found out this week.  I have absolutely no idea how all those years and that moment went by so fast.  No idea.  We are all a breath.  A mist.  Life is a blink.

I am so very very very grateful that my heart and soul are planted in the creator of all things.  The one true God.  For me, it's all for His Glory and that is all the purpose - all the meaning.

He is the Redeemer.  The Saviour of our souls.  Thank you, Lord.

Kites, Tricycles, Firetrucks, Good Daddies and a Great God

Here's a story.

As a child I was frightened of loud noises.

And what I didn't understand.

Imagine an afternoon - possibly Sunday afternoon - we have a kite.  Or...Daddy has a kite and is preparing to fly it.  Mother's sister, Florence, and her family are at our house.  I think that's who I see in the memory.  I think I see my uncle Waynard.  I was begging Daddy not to fly the kite.  I knew it would make a loud noise.  He told me it would make no noise at all.  I didn't think Daddy was a liar - I just didn't believe him.  Maybe I thought his idea of noise and my idea of noise were two different perceptions.  I don't know.  I was absolutely panicked - and I do know that Daddy was beginning to lose patience with me and so was Mother.  They were actually ignoring me.  So the image I see in this memory now is the whole group out in the field behind our house and I am running to our screen porch on the front of our house to crouch in the corner with ears stopped up.  I knew the Kite was about to be launched.  I carefully waited - released my fingers a bit from my ears - no noise.  I slowly went out and peeked around the house.  They were actually flying the kite and there was no noise.  And I thought, "well, Daddy was right.  It makes no noise."

I can't take you into my brain to see my images - but again - this house and the screened porch where I hid in the corner.

and zoom in with this picture and behind 2 1/2 year old me, sitting in Baby Sister's lap, or is that Tommy, is the corner where I hid.

It's such a vivid imagine in my brain, me crouching there with ears stopped up.

I probably was about this age, 4, (shown in picture below) when I didn't believe Daddy and Mother, that kites made no noise.  

(With my friend down the street, Bobby Small.  I am sporting bandaids as bracelets. Weird. This was taken on the day Mary Ann and Bobby's sister, Sidney, started first grade.  Bobby and I were pals.)

And, have you read Laura Beth's recent post?

She showed the picture of Ada's tricycle which she is getting for her 3rd birthday.

I hope she enjoys hers as much as I enjoyed mine.  I loved my tricycle, which had actually been Mary Ann's first.  Mine was a life of hand-me-downs but I didn't mind. Looked forward to them. 

In this picture I was 5.

But had been riding the tricycle for several years....well, two years.  But when you're 5, two years seems like several years, doesn't it?

Ada's Tricyle

Now why did I write all of that?

Well, I know why I mentioned the tricycles - because I saw the picture of Ada's new tricycle and it stirred up old memories.  But the kite memory came to my mind today - when I was walking.  

I actually walked today by myself for one hour.  I never do that.  I don't even enjoy doing that by myself until today.  I wanted to do it.  I think God just did a thing in my head and heart and I walked and wanted to and want to again.  So I will, tomorrow.

Naturally while walking I was praying and thinking, with God, and my thoughts were on things I fear due to lack of trust in Him - so of course the kite story and how I needlessly doubted Daddy on that day regarding the kite.  It's a great object lesson for me, personally.  We fear things in life we don't understand.  Don't we?

Another thing I used to fear.  Fire Trucks.  I didn't know their purpose.  No adult in my life knew that I thought fire trucks were going to houses to set them on fire.  One evening, probably shortly after we moved into our house, because in this memory I am small enough for Daddy to carry me more like a toddler than an older little girl.  I was 2 1/2 when we moved into our house.  So - we heard the sirens - and in those days, windows opened, adults had a tendency to go outside and try to figure out where the fire was.  I must have leapt into Daddy's arms as he started out - probably because I was scared.  There I was, being held by him and the night sounds being disturbed by the siren in the distance.  I could see him trying to hear the direction and I broke the silence with this statement on what I hoped.  I said, "I hope it's not our house".  To which he answered, "Well, sweetie, it's not."  and I asked how he knew and of course the obvious answer was, "because our house isn't on fire".  And that's when I told him what I thought fire trucks did and of course he assured me they didn't - and explained that they were equipped with hoses and stuff to put out the fire.  I did believe him on this one and was greatly relieved.  Good to get that cleared up.  

We fear things we don't understand.  

Some things we can't understand this side of heaven, but still, there's the trusting the love and mercy of God.  Isn't there?

So - that's today's post.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Do you like Sunday's?  I do.

Good memories of Sunday.

The only time I haven't enjoyed a Sunday was during a season at Huntingdon - attending church but not connected to one.  I think it was my freshman year.  Sunday afternoons could be long and lonely.  Even at Auburn.  Why is that?  I think because I'd spent my growing up years with a church family - though complaining about having to "go again" at night - as a child I complained or just didn't want to - as a teenager I quit questioning it. At age 16, when I was redeemed,  I looked forward to going and having a purpose.  Couldn't wait to share that purpose.  I probably overshared it.

As an adult, well, I've loved Sundays - but probably were a bit stressful when the kids were all small.  In fact, I know they were.  I think I've blanked that part out.  They were a LOT stressful and a lot of work.

I know that I really like them now.  They are a bit of work - but just a smidgeon, having grandchildren close by - but now - well - I can count the costs and it's all worth it.  It was then, I just couldn't see through the exhaustion.

Anyway - happy Sunday - I pray yours isn't lonely.  I want for you to have a church family, if you are a believer.  If you aren't a believer - in the Redeemer, the Savior, the Christ, the Son of God - if you haven't said yes to Him - if He hasn't breathed life into you, I pray He will.  If you are even questioning that - then you can say yes to Him.  He will give you life.  He will give you living water - and the bread of life.  Food for living.

Happy Sunday.

Second Day of the Week

Mondays and Fridays and Saturdays and Sundays have such a distinct place in the week.

Monday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday - they stand out -

But what about Tuesday or Thursday or Wednesday.

Wednesday is significant for it's middle spot.

In college we called it Hump Day.  It was downhill in a good way, after Wednesday.  Coasting toward the weekend.

I like Tuesday.  It still seems new - maybe I didn't change the world on Monday like I thought I would, but there's still plenty of possibility for Tuesday.

And how does Tuesday look today from my perspective?

ONE

I don't have my camera.  We finally took it to Best Buy yesterday with our 3 year warranty contract and receipt for having bought it as recently as October 09.  I just think they should give me a new lens - I think we got a lemon in that lens.  It shouldn't have already messed up in the shutter speed.  My camera will be gone 2 - 3 weeks.  Looks like if I post with pictures, perhaps there might be more downloading of oldie goldies.  More looking into the past.

TWO

Andrew woke at my house this morning.  It was my idea.  Long story - but he wasn't feeling good, Ann and Steve both had different tasks to accomplish at 5:00 when we dropped Ann and Ellie off after the day in Huntsville(they rode with us - Barber guys stayed in Scottsboro - Monday is Steve's Saturday).  I just knew Andrew felt so bum and would need constant holding - so I suggested he go home with us. He did and ended up spending the night.  He's already back asleep by 8:00 - rather feverish with cold in his eyes and a cough.  

THREE

Call from New Orleans - trying to wind down Sarah's checking account here.  She's opened a new one in New Orleans - different bank - and get the panel she's sold, get it off the wall at the Veranda Cafe.  That's a ride into town - (for any city living readers of this blog - a ride into town is maybe 3 minutes.  Big deal just to "get it done")

FOUR

I'm doing just a teensy small thing for Ann who is a 1st and 2nd grade VBS teacher at our church.  It all begins next Sunday evening.  I am making a faux fireplace by drawing the bricks on heavy brown paper which is available to us at the church - someone's gift of large rolls of brown paper - from their workplace.  I did get some paints and markers and sponge brushes, yesterday, to do the thing - plus foam core board to back it.  Also backing a few small items with foam core, for her display on the "fake" mantel.

Which - conjures up memories of earliest VBS days - who went?  who loved it?  I did.  My earliest memory, before any which I attended at my own church - was at the Baptist Church in Evergreen.  I went with my friend, from down the street - Jeannie Knox Livings.  Her name which we called her was a double name - Jeannie Knox.  Her mom was Jean.  I loved it.  I was hooked on VBS - but it was simple stuff then - VBS - My first time to learn the song, "Zaccheus was a wee little man and a wee little man was he - he climbed up in the sycamore tree, for the Lord he wanted to see - for the Lord he wanted to see - and the Lord said, 'Zaccheus, you come down! for I'm going to your house today' - 'for I'm going to your house today' ".  We also glued something on something.  I think cotton onto some picture - and we played outside and we had refreshments.  I loved it.

From then on, it was VBS at my church.  And as a teenager I helped with it.  And as a college student at home during the summer, I helped with that.  I loved it all - but it stopped there for me and I never thought about VBS again - until it showed up again when my girls came of age.  I really had forgotten all about it.  I sent Ann and Laura Beth to Calvary's one summer and after that I couldn't NOT help with it.  My first year to help was the summer after Sarah was born.  I was helping in a room right across from the nursery and I would run across the hall to nurse her quite a bit.  I no longer loved it the way I had in my youth and childhood.  It exhausted me - but over the years I continued to help just due to the sense of responsibility - children still loved it - and mine certainly did. But I loved it less and less.  I was becoming the VBS Scrooge.  Sad.  I recall one summer, helping, and by then Kate was with us and between 2 and 3 years of age  and NOT wanting to be anywhere but with me.  At one point I heard screaming and looked toward the door and one of Kate's teachers was carrying her with Kate's back bowed, trying to calm her down.  I guess Kate had tried to escape and get in my room.  The poor teacher looked exhausted and all I could do was mouth, "I'm sorry".  with a frowny face.

Kate enjoyed VBS as she got older...I think....didn't you, Kate?

So - here we are - and VBS has become quite the production - at least in the Baptist world. Whoa.

I'm just making a mantel for Ann and keeping Andrew next week while everyone does VBS.

FOUR

I don't really have a four - okay - and probably won't knock out huge projects which I've planned - or begin in my late 50's a breathtaking art career which I've been planning since I graduated from Auburn - but it's just Tuesday - and I will get to nurture my little Andrew while he's with me and I just know I'll see my firstborn's face sometime today - my 2nd, 3rd and 4th born are not in town on this day - and with all of that I'll get to laugh with Ellie and Luke, surely, and probably console just a pinch when little bits don't get their way - (wish Ada and John were here)  Plus, with all of that, Charlie comes home every night and we get to spend time together - and enjoy something simple on TV - usually, except I did buy two new novels yesterday which I am so excited about and I just remembered them!  

But with all of that - there's always Wednesday.  As Mother always said, "tomorrow hasn't been touched".  She said with much promise and hope.

Monday Morning

Welcome Monday.

Welcome New Week.

Welcome New Day.

Fresh Start,
Possibilities,

And new summer, in June.

Thank you rain

And thank you God for the rain

And thank you flowers for growing

And thank you God for the flowers that grow after the rain.

I'm sorry on this day when I'm glad,

that someone isn't.

I pray for their heart and their trial and whatever it is.

I pray for them to have God's hands and arms, holding.

I wish I could help.  If I can I will.  

I'm grateful for Kate.

And for Sarah.

And for Ann.

And for Laura Beth.

Thank you, God, for giving them to  Charlie and me.

I'm so glad they love You.

I'm so glad Scott and Steve love You and that they are faithful to my two daughters.

I pray for whomever will love Sarah and Kate, that they will be cared for, today, by You.

I'm grateful for Ellie and Luke 

and Ada and Andrew

and John.  I pray that they will love You.

I pray for all the others, that they will love You.

Changes

Sarah left Tuesday for Auburn on her way to New Orleans - to live.
Last night was her first night in the city, to live, and I worried that she might be having second thoughts until I read her post this morning - What I Did and Said - She's thrilled to be there and I'm thrilled that she's thrilled.

Last Saturday Ellie turned 5 - but today is her party - in Huntsville - at "Pump It Up".  Those inflatable things that kids jump on and climb on - Ellie and Luke are as excited about it as if it were Christmas. Ann has some great visuals on her blog to show how much Ellie has changed in 5 years.

Yesterday Kate called me, ecstatic that she had just attended her final class at Auburn University.  She has 2 exams next week and the next and she'll be done.  In a couple of weeks Charlie and I will no longer have anyone in college and my youngest is graduating.  And you can go here to see what she'll be doing in the fall - exciting stuff - and big changes.

I still remember being excited when I was able to check off the various school stages here in Scottsboro - first, Mothers Day Out - then - no more elementary grades - then Page(middle school) - then Junior High - I was especially glad to be done with Jr High - and finally High School - done with high school - and now here we are - completing the college years.  and my oldest granddaughter is 5 - but I'll blink and she'll be grown along with the others - and I guess my children will be trying to find a nursing home for me.  :-)

And a huge change over in the Atlanta/McDonough part of the world.  Laura Beth hunkered down and persevered in potty training Ada - If you read the P.S. on this post of hers  you'll find that Ada did finally get the hang of it.  Presto! She's potty trained!  I received several phone calls with Ada wanting to report each time she nailed it.  I didn't talk with Laura Beth yesterday, but I assume the progress continues.

And the other change?  Today is the 1st day of May.  A new month.

Good Night!

Good Night, Tuesday - March 9, 2010 - !

We'll wake up to coffee in the morning -
tasks to complete -
prayers to be prayed -
cares to be relinquished -
His voice to hear and listen for again.

Give us direction - direct our steps.

A new day.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.  Do not be wise in your own eyes.  Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.  It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones. Proverbs 3: 5-8

I Know, It's Monday...

This is really the new week and it's just one day of pretty weather - which I'm glad to have - but it makes it even harder to go back to the rain and the cold.  Doesn't it?

It's gorgeous here.  Warm, Mild - the daffodils don't even know they could get bitten - later.  They are so very confident with their yellow heads held high, looking around at the world and at my brownish gray yard - they must wonder about the colors.  If they are so yellow what's with the other plants? - or perhaps they are aware of their role - to inspire us and encourage us.  I think that's it and they have that servant heart - that work spirit - that yieldedness - no matter that the frost will get them - they have shone us color and we know spring is close. Edit:  I KNEW that was spelled wrong, but my mind is definitely slipping and I could not think of the correct spelling!!!  I just got it! they have shown us color.  How could I not know that???

Happy Monday.  Happy week of March 8 - 14, 2010

That's all I've got.

Again, scroll down to find Sarah's Blog address and then scroll down a few posts on her blog to see my daffodils.  You probably have them too.

Another Really Good Quote

I get these great quotes when I'm using Sarah's laptop.

It's late at night - I'm crashing on the couch - which has a very worn spot on the middle cushion - I'm under my electric blanket - which I throw behind the couch during the day - but it affords so much warmth during these cold winter nights and mornings.  It's a twin size blanket. 

Back to Sarah's laptop and how it opens up.  She has for her opening page something called "Of First Importance" - and these tremendous quotes show up. 

I love the one below.

Remember the Blood of Christ

“I charge you never to give up the old doctrine of the blood of Christ, the complete satisfaction which that atoning blood made for sin, and the impossibility of being saved except by that blood. Let nothing tempt you to believe that it is enough to look only at the example of Christ, or only to receive the sacrament which Christ commanded to be received, for which many nowadays worship like an idol.

When you come to your deathbed, you will want something more than an example and a sacrament. Take heed that you are found resting all your weight on Christ’s substitution for you on the cross, and His atoning blood, or it will be better if you had never been born.”
- J.C. Ryle, The Upper Room (Carlisle, PA: Banner of Truth Trust, 1970), 108.

Sleepless Nights and What to Do with Them.

This is a phenomenon of one woman who is 57.

Insomnia has never been something I've dealt with. Also, I'm not a worrier. Not to say I never worry - but it doesn't describe me. Obviously there are things that are big enough in my life that might weigh on my mind - but I don't "own" worry. Not one of the weaknesses I deal with. So - worry doesn't keep me from sleeping.

So...... at this stage of my life.....I will go along my usual pattern - daytime/awake - nighttime/asleep - good sleep - but all along, even after having fallen asleep on the couch and waking long enough to stumble to bed - eager to return to my slumber - my brain's eyes slowly come fully awake and there is no falling asleep. Weird. It is either hormonal or it is God keeping me awake to commune with me. (that is my 57 year old phenomenon I was talking about - very unpredictable)

An aside - I want to come clean with all of you young women who are believers and read all about the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31. I know one thing about verse 15. It says that "She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens."
Well - I'm thinking this lady is a mature woman and I now, too, rise while it is yet night - but it's because I can't sleep....sometimes, and I get a lot done when I "can't sleep". If I'm sleepy, I sleep - unless I'm helping one of my girls with their newborns. I know that Ann is a young woman and that right now she, too, rises while it is yet night - to feed Andrew. She definitely provides food for him - but she has no maidens and if she did, well, she would have them providing their own food - and probably telling them to forget the food - could they please hold Andrew and burp him between feedings.

Back to if I sleep or don't sleep.

Last night, after many many many nights of being able to sleep - well, I couldn't - when my head hit the pillow. I had already been asleep on the couch and couldn't wait to get to my bed. I now know NOT to get up if I need the sleep - because I certainly wouldn't fall asleep if I'm up and about - I mean, I would get up if there were things to be done - but I needed to fall asleep - not knowing what this new day would hold. So - I lay there with some weird secular song in my brain - not sure where that came from unless it was from my blog. Probably. So - I began to think about God - of course(and I prayed earnestly for wisdom - asking would it be better to get up and read His word or to lay there and pray the scripture I know, in order to soon get sleep as He enabled me) - I've always done that on my pillow at night - focused on God, in a personal way - way back into earliest childhood memories. I believe it is the way He has always spoken to me and what led me to my salvation - another post - okay - so last night - wanting to get that stupid song out of my brain I began to remember praise verses in scripture - majestic ones - but not knowing the complete passages, I determined that I MUST memorize this stuff - something I've never been able to deliberately do - memorize scripture. It's only in studying it over and over that I memorize it without planning to. So - there I lay - and I just want to say that at age 57 - God has done that thing in me - that I now know there is no peace in anything but focusing on the complete holiness of the God of ALL Creation. It dissolves any fears, any worries, any distractions, any worldly wants regarding things one can't have at the present, it pales all other things and answers all needs and prayers. What got under my skin was not knowing the entire passages - so I purposed that I would begin the project that I have so often meant to start.

I love to type. My eyesight is getting worse and worse. I use reading glasses and magnifying glasses to see small print. So - today - I've been working on putting in print my best and most faith strengthing praise scripture and prayer scripture. I need this collection for when I'm really really old and can't see a thing and need really large print. and at that age, the only thing I will need in my life is God's word and someone making me comfortable - but if I don't have someone making me comfortable, then I will only need God's word.

I hate taking scripture out of context - but I've done my best to include the entire passage that wouldn't misrepresent the verses - if that makes sense. Praising God - how can that ever be out of context - and the reality of His Kingdom - it stands alone.

I've said all of this to say, that when I can't think of a single thing about "this world and this life" to post about - then I'm going to share some of that scripture that praises the Eternal God - and encourage anyone reading this to take hold of it - for whatever you are facing on a daily basis.

To be continued. You won't get the verses at this moment. I have run out of "typing time" and will post a praise and prayer passage in the next post. Unless I've thought of something to write about regarding "this world". :-)

My Brain Is in Troy, Alabama

The last dream I had before I woke up this morning was about my paternal grandfather in Troy - only in the dream he looked more like my maternal grandfather from Evergreen - analyze that! I was at some conference/retreat thing - spiritual in nature, I think - and having a rare opportunity to "get acquainted with my grandfather". In the dream we were both feeling a sadness over the fact that we'd never had the time to get to know each other(he died when I was about 4 or 5/my mother's dad died when I was 15) In the dream I watched him walk away, I guess go back to heaven - I don't know. How hard is it to describe a dream?! Very difficult. Next scene I'm walking in the front door of his house at 110 Murphree Street in Troy Alabama. In reality, the house actually ended up belonging to my uncle, my dad's bachelor brother who always lived in that house with his parents until they died and then until he died in 1985. Back to the dream, I walked in the very large front door, and a handfull of my friends were there. One was sitting on the couch in the "front hall", another to the right in the "library"; I spoke with them and walked into the dining room, speaking with my uncle Halbert about all the things in there - in the dream I knew that he was about to sell the house to some girl who I knew wouldn't respect the true beauty of the house - I was very sad. He and I walked into the breakfast room and then into the kitchen. From the kitchen I walked out on the back porch and then through the bedrooms and back again into the "front hall". (It was always called that, although it was more like a formal living room.) (Also, the back porch was more of an enclosed room - the back wall was screened with lattice covering the screen.) In my dream I can see everything in those rooms just as they used to be - amazing, the brain and what it records.

Next scene I'm walking to my car, talking to my Dad(who hasn't, up to this point, been in the dream - and all of a sudden I'm the age when I was still single (I married at age 28 - Ann just had her 3rd baby at age 28) Only in the dream Daddy is Daddy, but he's also Charlie(my husband if you are reading this and don't know me). That too is odd - but he's mostly Daddy - and I'm appealing to him, pleading, I want to own that house and I want to live in Troy - make my life in Troy - because I have a sense that I am just starting out - whatever career I might begin - And he agrees - He says, "Okay - well I'll just have to talk with Charlie and draw up the papers". Then, in that moment Charlie is in my life - but not my husband really - crazy - but the incredible sense of relief - that I have saved that house - it will be mine and always mine and knowing all the work I'll have to do and all the money I will have to earn to restore it - I was so happy and so relieved and I woke up.

That is always a shock - to wake up after a very real dream - and it was 2009, I'm living in Scottsboro - I've lived in Scottsboro for 29 years - but my brain still travels back to Evergreen and to Troy. I got up and had a cup of coffee. Love that first cup of coffee.

With Troy still on my brain, I decided that was a cue to blog about old Troy memories - and I sat in the hall in front of the cabinet where I keep the old Troy stuff - there's so much - where to begin - and I landed on an old letter written to my grandmother from a friend. The letter really has very little interest to me, since I don't know the lady - but it's a slice of life from 1911. I read it - it was important enough to my grandmother to "glue" into her scrapbook - so they must have been good friends. After reading it, I looked at the address and the date. The return address is 486 Spring Street, Atlanta, GA. The extent of the address is:

Mrs. John Wilkerson

Troy,

Ala

The postmark is Atlanta, GA December 29, 1911 - and there are two green one cent stamps on it.

It's 1911, so Daddy hadn't even been born yet. He was born in 1913.

Here is how it reads

486 Spring St

Dec 28th 1911

My dear Net

You have no idea how much pleasure that beautiful picture you sent me has given us. I have it on my bureau and I can't help taking it up and gazing at it whenever I am in my room. I think the older boy is the image of John and the baby (is it a boy too?) is just like you. I wrote to Claire about the picture and wished she had one too. I think it is one of the sweetest pictures I ever saw.

We had a very quiet time Christmas. My children remembered me so generously. You know I have so many children now I am rich & I expect Delmar will marry in the Spring, a lovely girl just twenty yrs old. It has not been announced yet but I suppose it will be in April.

Gordon married a lovely girl and is very happy. Ella is living right across the street from us keeping house in her own home. Nell & her husband & baby are with us. Her husband is in business here & they board with us. The baby is nine months old and is the best baby I ever saw. We have never had a nurse for her. We are going to have her picture taken and I will send you one.

I hope you had a happy Christmas and will enjoy all the happiness and prosperity next year that heart could wish.

Remember me to John & all the rest of my friends

Lovingly

Your Friend

Mrs. P H Baker

Okay - so I was curious - I mapquested that address. Well, I expected it to be in some "scary" part of Atlanta, if it still existed at all - since that was 98 years ago - You know how old nice neighborhoods in cities become the "rougher" areas as people evolve and move into newer developed areas. Actually, it's in downtown Atlanta. The address is still there, but I'm guessing a lot of medical businesses - it's close to a hospital - I-75 and I-85 cross over that street.

Also - funny that while they sound as if they are dear friends, she did not know if my uncle Thomas was a boy or a girl - I'm guessing his hair was cut "long" for a boy - and he had on rather billowy clothing. He was probably only a year old - I think he was 3 years older than daddy. Grandmother must not have put his name on the picture. I wonder if it might have been a Christmas card photo situation. Remember, not only was there no email in those days - the phoning was extremely limited and even postal stuff - well - who could write all those notes to all those people who moved away - but there was no TV - so I think there were many letters written. Either this Mrs. Baker was a good bit older than Grandmother(her children were young marrieds) or she married much younger than my grandmother who actually did marry considerably late for that time. I think Grandmother, like myself, was in her late twenties when she married. Daddy was 34 when he married my mother who was 28. Granddaddy was a good bit older than Grandmother - so our generations are really stretched far apart. Daddy was 38 when I was born - so my grandfather was quite old - hence he died before I could really know him, but I have very vivid mental images of him. Very vivid and he made quite an impression on me. I think I must have been in awe of him and a little curious at his dignified air, yet warm air. I think he was a very kind and caring man - but reserved - which was common for the culture then. My maternal grandfather had a different feel - but equally kind and caring - but such a unique personality - and a bit more "user friendly".

So - that is that letter - and that world in 1911.

I need to do other stuff - but I feel like writing about a lot of Troy memories - that dream really spurred me on -

I've got to end this post. I have a million things to do.

Well, guess what?

Okay, all of this is an edit to the post I just published. Because - I got up from the computer, went to put that very old letter back into the very old envelope which was glued into my grandmother's very old scrapbook - and my eyes landed on another small old envelope which was postmarked Atlanta, GA July 8 1913 - yet different handwriting from the other Atlanta, GA note which I just transcribed above. So, I got myself another cup of coffee and a Fiber One Bar and sat down to read the contents of this next envelope.

This next envelope holds 2 different notes written to my grandmother - It would appear that Mrs. P H Baker died and Grandmother had written sympathy letters to her daughters, who had been mentioned in her 1911 December note to Grandmother. That saddened me, because it's only 2 years later - and she had written so highly of her children - now they are writing regarding their mother.

Here they are:(another little item of interest - this is July 1913 - Daddy would be 2 months old - grandmother adjusting to having a 3rd son)

My dear Nett

I want to thank you for your sweet note of sympathy. I don't know how we will ever live without Mama. She was just as young and energetic when she died as when she lived in Troy. It was a terrible blow and one that will be hard to get over. We miss her in everything we do and everywhere we go for we treated her as a chum more than anything else.

I believe Mama expected to have her little visit with you although she would always put off her pleasures for ours and there was something to keep her at home all of the time, but she often spoke of you and how she would enjoy visiting you and seeing your children.

Sister came down from New York and stayed for two or three days with us. She kind-- in a way just filled Mama's place while she was here.

Mama was digging in her flowers early in the morning and we felt uneasy and went to look for her and she was under a little tree where she had sat down and probably fell back, dead with the hoe still in her hand. Wasn't that a beautiful way to go. She would have been miserable if we had had to wait on her a day - The girls and boys also want me to thank you for your sweet notes.

Most Sincerely,

Ella B. Ruse

411 (or 471) Spring Street.

Other Note in the Very Old and Browned Stained Envelope:

Sunday -

My dear Net,

We are all so stunned and heart-broken for Mama that we can hardly think.

She has been perfectly well and just as active as ever. You know Mama could do more than anybody. Honey spent the night out with us Tuesday night and we all played the piano & sang and Mama was as jolly as any one of us. We sat up till about eleven o'clock and when we went to bed Mama said she was going to get up early and dig around her roses. She does that often and I heard her get up and walk down the drive. I dozed off and waked up at six o'clock feeling awfully anxious about her because everything was so still. I dressed and went out to look for her and found her under a little tree already gone - It nearly killed us all. Her mother went the same way and Mama had always said that she wanted to go that way. But we are so lonesome and miserable without her. We all depended on her just like we did when we were little children.

She spoke of you so sweetly the other day and said she wanted to write you. She was so fond of you, Net, and I do wish that she could have visited you. She wanted to very much, but something always happened to prevent. Sister came down and stayed a week with us. The shock was awful for her.

We all try to be as cheerful as we can because we know that Mama would want us to.

We appreciated your sweet letter so much and I wish you would write to us when you can. I would love to hear from you.

Guess you don't know about Buddie's baby girl. She is a darling and Buddie is so happy over his little family.

Give my love, love from all of us, to Miss Josie and all your family. Sister wished so much that she could see you when she was here.

Affectionately

Nell Baker Strong

(A small aside - on the 1913 envelope is one red 2 cent stamp - instead of the 2 green one cent stamps that were on the 1911 envelope)

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. There is no remembrance of men of old, and even those who are yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow. Ecclesiastes 1:9-11

And while this is true, it was written by a despairing Solomon - and he was reflecting on the hopelessness of our flesh and the fact that we are all a vapor - James 4:14 - "You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" - we have the hope of Christ and Eternity and that is what gives our small, repetitive lives meaning if we have truly been born again- He, the God of all Creation is working out His plans in us - when we are yielded to Him - there - we have the supernatural privilege of offering our lives to Him for Him to be glorified in us. OH PRIVILEGE!!

So our best memories, the best of homes and houses and lives, turn to dust - but when we have been raised in newness of life by the resurrected Christ, then the best is before us - in eternity.

I still find it so very interesting to look back into these lives and old cultures and see the same emotions, the same relationships, the delight of the births of new babies and the excitement of living out daily, disciplined lives. God made us that way and all generations do it and continue to move on.

Sunday Before Thanksgiving

Sarah and Kate are both here.

It's cold outside, and there's a fire in the fireplace.

Charlie left today and will return on Tuesday, bringing his Mother to our house for the T'giving holidays.

We're all hoping we don't get Ellie's germ. She continues to be a very sick little girl. If it doesn't subside this afternoon, then it's probably the flu virus instead of just a basic virus and will likely continue for 2 or 3 more days. I got my flu shot last week, so did Steve and Charlie. It won't kick in to protect us until 2 weeks after the shot. Tomorrow is one week - so - hope noone gets the flu. Ann hasn't had her shot and was cautious about it - although pregnant moms are supposed to get it. She was just nervous about that and had questions.

Luke is at my house now - just to get him out of the house where Ellie is. He's so noisy and she feels so bad - it's hard to keep him still and quiet - of course. So - he came to my house this pm and enjoys the attention he gets from Sarah and Kate - although nothing compares to being with his Daddy. He is absolutely crazy about Steve. So cute!!

The Red Berries on the Nandina are such an encouragement as we head into the dormant season. I'm also glad that the two biggest holidays are during nature's gray season. Color is so abundant for Thanksgiving and Christmas - and the warmth of indoors feeds our emotions as we live through this winter.

What does your Thanksgiving Menu look like?

Ours:

Turkey Breast, Dressing, Gravy, Squash Casserole, Green Bean Casserole, Smashed Sweet Potatoes(grown on Skyline Mountain - so sweet), English Peas, Butternut Squash Casserole(New - I sampled it at Williams Sonoma - so good!) Frozen Cherry Salad, Spiced Peaches, Cranberry Sauce-Jellied and Whole, Homemade Yeast Rolls, Pumpkin Pie, Pecan Pie, and Pumpkin Trifle.

We'll have 6 + 2 + 3 + 1 + 1 = 13 folks

I like to set the table really pretty. I have already ironed the cloth napkins - I really, really like cloth napkins and the tablecloth. We'll use a hodgepodge of china and silver. The whole experience is first, visual and scented - in the kitchen - and then the table - dressed like a lady and man - but then we eat it and the tastes are so good.

MY MEMORIES OF THANKSGIVING

It was always at my grandmother's house, Ella's house - or it was at my Aunt Mary's house. (here's an aside - houses - they are named by the lady of the house - my grandchildren refer to this as Near's house, or their house is Mommy's house -awwwww! sad for the men who work and labor over those mortgage payments - and it is named as belonging to the mommy or grandmother) Okay - so at my grandmother, Ella's, we all piled in - we're not talking huge rambling farmhouse - but if I described her house - well - that's another post - I LOVED her house - and she made it so attractive - yet it was small - compared to today - but we had 21 to begin with, but soon it became 24, and then 25, but then it would vary - it was always a large crowd. When we had our Thanksgiving at my Aunt Mary's - well - she lived "out". It was a farm, but not like you might imagine - not a typical farmhouse - very ranch style with style - it was nice - and a huge front yard - HUGE - So - the ladies who were doing the meal - they'd send all the men and children out to the front yard to play "football" or "baseball". I didn't really enjoy sports but I got in the mix and was always put "way out" - somewhere so that I could do the least damage - and I considered it a very social time with whomever I was standing the closest to. I was tolerated. :-) The men, as I recall, were soooo serious about it all. Didn't get that!

Well, that's my T'giving memory - but it was always that, year after year, large crowd - so much food - so good - and cold weather, usually, for South Alabama

Thanksgiving just meant a lot of people, a lot of fun and laughter and noise - everyone talking - and eating - Ella's house didn't have the huge front yard, but she had a great "side yard" - again, another post. I can see it all - and I wish I had pictures - But mostly we stayed inside - with a fire - It was just fun in Ella's house - and all my cousins and aunts and uncles were fun - to me - I don't know if in their adult world there was stuff going on - but I didn't know about it. We all got along and loved each other very very much. I did sense that at the end of the day the moms were really tired and ready to go home - so we did.

That's my Thanksgiving memories - and now I am making some more.

Day After the Elections

So this is the progress my trees are making. This one in the front yard is so slow about turning. See what I mean? It's still mostly green. I want my trees to be golden when everyone else's is. Some around town take my breath away.

This Sugar Maple is doing better, but the leaves appear dry.

Still, it's turning, but not like some I've seen.

I think this is my best one.

I'm going to google it and see why some Sugar Maples have better color than others.

I'm thinking water, soil, sun.

I'm starting to think it's something in the soil - because in my neighborhood there are other trees, all ages, and they have similar water conditions and sunlight but are showing healthier leaves and color. It's got to be minerals in the soil. I'll google it.

I did vote for John McCain, applauding Sarah Palin as his running mate. Of course I regret the outcome - but empathize with the passion of those who see the world the way Barack Obama sees it. I strongly disagree with him regarding abortion, taxes, government involvement, national security, and probably so many more issues. I now know that there is a community in the United States which strongly believes that socialism is the best form of government. I never knew that until now. Tragic that we would be willing to toss aside Democracy and the morals of it which are based on the laws of the One True God. Our country is treading on ground so dangerous we cannot comprehend it. I believe that.

How do I feel this morning?

My hope is built on nothing less Than Jesus' blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand, All other ground is sinking sand; All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale, My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood, Support me in the whelming flood. When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my Hope and Stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound, Oh may I then in Him be found. Dressed in His righteousness alone, Faultless to stand before the throne.

The following scripture from God's word tells us about His sovereignty.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. Psalm 57:11 and Ps. 108:5

O Lord, Our Lord How majestic is Your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. The Lord is exalted over all the nations, His glory above the heavens. Psalm 148:13

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of His robe filled the temple. Above Him were seraphs, each with six wings. With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty. The whole earth is full of His glory" Isaiah 6: 1-3

After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven.

....there before me was a throne in heaven...with one sitting there who had the appearance of jasper and carnelian... around the throne were four living creatures having six wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come."

Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to Him who sits on the throne and who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before Him who sits on the throne, and worship Him who lives forever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:

"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for You created all things, and by Your will they were created and have their being." Revelations 4: 1,2,3,6,8,9-11